Nurturing Birth

Doula Courses | Education | Doula

…here to nurture, inform and empower doulas and families

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About Doulaing

My Doula Story: Lisa Sykes

Headshot of Lisa Sykes. Lisa is a white woman with shoulder length, wavy brown hair and black rimmed glasses.

Lisa Sykes joined Nurturing Birth’s doula training course facilitator team in September 2021. We’re delighted to share Lisa’s story of her journey to doulaing!

I am a trained birth and postnatal doula focused mostly on birth and offering postnatal support specifically for my birth clients.

I can’t actually remember exactly when I first heard about doulas! After the birth of my second and third baby, when I was lucky enough to be supported by the same midwife, I got really curious about supporting people during pregnancy and birth. I knew first hand just how incredible continuity of care could be.

Having informally supported friends and my sister during their pregnancy and birth, several people had suggested that I would “make a great midwife!” but it never really fully resonated with me. I think it was around this time that I discovered doulas through a pregnancy forum and started to dive into the different doula training options.

Before I was a doula I’d had a varied career path! I had worked primarily in the insurance industry as a systems developer and business analyst. I’d taken voluntary redundancy after 12 years and decided that this was my moment to look for more worthwhile employment where I could make a difference to people. I ended up working in a school as a data and assessment manager and this is where I met my husband, Keith. After the birth of our children Hebe and Sid, I decided it was time to dive fully into this new direction where I could not only make a difference to other people but do something that was deeply fulfilling to me as well.

I was at my sister’s birth a couple of years before I trained with Nurturing Birth. It was such a lesson in being present for someone who you are completely emotionally invested in, the challenge of walking beside them and of setting aside your own stories. The birth that she had planned and how things panned out was very different to what I had hoped for myself in the future. But this really didn’t matter because it wasn’t about me. It was about her, her husband and her baby.

My sister’s birth was a huge lesson in how different it is to support somebody that you are related to and very much connected to on a personal level, versus a doula client where there is an emotional investment, but also a distance that gives clarity and objectivity. It is so hard to find this distance when it’s your sister! I really felt like this gave me a deep insight and empathy for how it feels for the partner of the person giving birth or their chosen birth partners: maybe a parent, a sibling, a friend or another relative.

I became known as somebody who you could go to for information and support during pregnancy, due to my deep interest in the whole subject – in particular our rights during pregnancy, labour and birth. When people were told they weren’t ‘allowed’ to do something they would often be told to come and speak to me about it!

I also became deeply interested in breastfeeding, having had a varied experience of breastfeeding my three children. I volunteered at local breastfeeding support groups where I also met a dear friend and independent midwife who encouraged me to pursue all of these interests. I joined the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers and completed their Mother Supporter training before joining the Nurturing Birth doula course. I just became more and more interested in supporting new parents and it was all gathering momentum and heading towards the Nurturing Birth doula training.

It’s almost impossible to say what I love most about being a doula. I love connecting with people and this work gives me an opportunity to connect on so many different levels. I love the ‘a-ha moments’ for the families when we talk about how birth works. I love being able to engage the birth partners in a way that makes them feel confident about supporting their loved ones more effectively. I just love the feeling I get when I know that people have felt heard and seen. Feeling understood is so important, especially when we are in such a vulnerable place.

I think one of the most challenging things about being a doula is when you are asked “what would you do?” On the one hand it’s really clear and simple to me: It’s not relevant what I have done or what I would do. On the other hand it’s a question we are often asked and I can understand why. People can sometimes view their support as another ‘expert’ and so the challenge is to ensure that your clients know that they are the expert.  We are there to walk beside them while they tap into their own expertise.

I think another challenging part of being a doula is ensuring that the energy that you give out is balanced with receiving in the form of self-care. It’s been over 10 years for me now and I feel like I have got the balance right. However, in the beginning it can be a big challenge, figuring out your boundaries and making sure that you are prioritising yourself whilst taking care of others.

In the future I will be continuing to mentor doulas at all stages of their journey and offer them the kind of support that they are offering to other people. I absolutely love this work as it’s such a privilege to see doulas grow and evolve. I feel it deepens my understanding and learning of what it is to be a doula and improves my practice.

I’m also offering ‘Mother, Midlife and Menopause Mentoring’ as I stretch and expand into this mentoring work. I’m really looking forward to be able to support folks through these transitions from the deep mothering years, parenting teens and adults, midlife, menopause, empty nesting and all the transitions of self and relationships in between and beyond!

I am beyond thrilled to become part of the Nurturing Birth facilitating team. When I reflect back on the impact my Nurturing Birth course had on me all those years ago, in my sitting room in Yorkshire, I feel so grateful to be able to bring some of magic to other people.

A decade of supporting families in the UK and internationally in Switzerland, the UAE and France has given me such a wide view of birth and parenting culture. It’s the greatest ongoing lesson in in cultural literacy. Being a doula for me is a life-long adventure of learning and re-learning, listening and listening harder, stripping back and growing. I couldn’t be happier to look forward to what the next 10 years will bring!

Lisa is a Nurturing Birth mentor and doula training facilitator. She has worked as a doula in the UK, Switzerland and UAE, and currently in Paris. She is married to Keith and has three children, Emily, Hebe & Sid. Her website is www.LisaSykes.Online, and you can find her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/LisaSykesDoula and Instagram @lisasykesonline

Doulas only support natural birth … and other myths

By Sophie Brigstocke

Photo of Sophie Brigstocke. Sophie is a white woman with long, light brown hair and she's wearing a blue top.

I had a conversation the other day with someone who really wants to be a doula, but she was doubting her ability because she ended up having a caesarean when her baby was born – not the birth she had planned.  She felt that somehow she wouldn’t qualify as a doula because she hadn’t had the perfect experience.  She had been sitting alone with this worry for a long while, which really saddens me because I know so many people who identify with this woman, including the me of many years ago.  
 
Despite best-laid plans, birth can deviate from the course we hope for. It isn’t something we can predict or foresee.  We can make the best plans and write our wishes/preferences, but on the day things can change, situations can arise and we may find ourselves with an experience different from what we envisaged.  

Are doulas just there for ‘natural’ births?
People often spread the myth that doulas “only support natural birth”.  However, I would like to challenge whether a doula would step away from a client in a situation that deviates from the natural plan?  I would hope not.  A doula is going to support a client to make informed decisions during the course of their pregnancy and birth experience.  Most importantly, if a client feels like an elective caesarean birth, or a highly medicalised route is the right course to take then the best-prepared doula is going to find the most effective ways to support the family through that experience, and most importantly do that without judgement.  
 
It’s no hidden secret that I love talking about the physiology of birth. I witnessed another conversation on social media this week of people who were surprised at how little knowledge there is amongst medical professionals about the way that our hormones affect our labour.  I want everyone to know about how oxytocin works and how we can optimise our labouring hormones because the human body is an extraordinary thing and it can make people feel super powerful.   However, I never pressure people to ‘do birth’ in a particular way.  Research tells us that the ’best’ birth, the one where the mother or birth parent feels satisfied with their experience, is one where they are involved in the decision-making.  They are owning their choices, whatever they may be and however far they may deviate from the original plan.  I’ve certainly seen some very empowered, strong women choosing caesarean births and feeling utterly positive about their experience.  
 
How our own birth experiences affect – or don’t – our ability to doula
As doulas, our own experiences, if we have had children, may well colour our thoughts and opinions. However, at the end of the day, our personal story has nothing to do with the person we are supporting.  Theirs is a unique body growing a unique baby.  Their particular dynamic will be different to any other pregnancy.  Reflecting and debriefing on our own experiences is an essential part of our doula courses so that we can go out and be clear and clean in our support. This means coming to terms with what happened for us and reaching a place of acceptance.  
 
So, if your own experiences have stopped you from stepping into doulaing until now then I invite you to pick up the phone (07305 044482) or ping us an email and chat to us about it.  You may find, as I did, that your pregnancy and birth experience, while hugely personal to you and your family, has very little relevance when it comes to being with other families.  All your life experiences combined may give you immeasurable qualities that will serve you brilliantly as a doula, but your individual story of birthing children can be put to one side.  Perhaps now is the time to reframe your experience and look at it in a different way? 

He Didn’t Get It (What is a doula?)

Photo of Sophie Brigstocke. Sophie is a white woman with long, light brown hair and she's wearing a blue top.

By Sophie Brigstocke

A couple of years ago I went to a party where I was asked by a stranger what I did for work.  When I replied that I was a doula the man looked baffled – he clearly hadn’t heard of doulas before.  When I attempted to explain my role to him he replied with the immortal comment,
 
“So, there are people out there who are willing to pay money for you to hold their hands while they give birth?”
 
Coincidentally, there was a midwife in on this conversation, someone he had known for a long time, who leapt to the defense of doulas.  It was amazing to hear her extolling the virtues and explaining just what a difference doula support can make to families in pregnancy, birth and beyond.  I’m not sure he was convinced, but it was incredibly rewarding to hear her words.  
 
Despite the role having existed for millennia, the word doula is still relatively new.  In the UK “doula” has only been used regularly since 2001, and the USA is only a decade or two ahead of us.  It poses a challenge for us as it means that a lot of people outside medical, health and pregnancy fields still don’t know what a doula is or does.  There is more awareness than when I started out, however it can feel like slow development at times.
 
Whilst we love focusing on the role of the doula and how we might support families in the perinatal period one of the things we want to spend time exploring during our courses is business set-up.  One of the challenges facing doulas when it comes to creating a business is thinking not only about how to attract potential clients, but also how to communicate who doulas are and what role they fulfil.  This week on our Virtual Cuppa (an online weekly support meeting for Nurturing Birth Graduates) we shared ideas around how to use social media to our advantage.  It certainly helps that more high-profile people are choosing to use doula support and talk publicly about the benefits on social media.  Most recently former Big Brother winner Kate Lawler has been sharing about her postnatal journey and how much her doula has changed her experience for the better.  It certainly helps us as we try to communicate the amazing work that doulas do – using testimonials and other people’s words can be far more persuasive than us standing up and telling people what we think they need!  
 
I love how Nurturing Birth doulas pull together to support each other – together we are stronger and it really shows.  Knowing that you have a community to support you as you step into self-employment and navigate the challenges of communicating what you do is essential.  Over the past couple of years so much more focus has gone into the support we offer doulas after they complete their course – from an active Facebook group, the weekly Virtual Cuppas, mentoring and additional courses and workshops.  We really pull the expertise in from all the doulas in our community – we all have our strengths and can learn so much from each other.  While some may be super confident networking, others have relevant experience to share about marketing – there is a richness in our conversations.  No one person has all the answers.  So many doulas share that the Virtual Cuppa is the highlight of their week, which is high praise indeed!  
 
Are you coming to join us on a doula course?  What questions do you have?  We are always available for conversations about the journey into being a doula and love supporting people from the very start, so do send us a message if you would like to speak to someone – just give us a telephone number and suitable times to call you back. 

What is Mindful Hypnobirthing?

By Sophie Fletcher 

Photo of Sophie Fletcher. Sophie is a white woman with blond, shoulder length hair and blue eyes. She's smiling in the photo, looking at the camera.

You may have come across hypnobirthing before, but what is the real difference between hypnobirthing and Mindful Hypnobirthing? Quite a lot really!

As a hypnotherapist, my first introduction to hypnobirthing was pure hypnosis with some relaxation, breathing and knowledge about your body, which is brilliant for re-framing. A reframe is when you take a situation and change someone’s perspective on it, so they look at it in a different and more positive way.

Early on there were wonderful birth stories, of people whose experience of birth was so much better than their expectation. Those with acute anxiety or tokophobia going on to have euphoric experiences.

Yet, I had a nagging voice in my head that whilst hypnosis was great, it wasn’t enough on its own.

I saw women who had doubts whether the hypnosis would work, or how to use it in labour.  It seemed that many didn’t stop to think that they could labour WITHOUT the hypnosis! The hypnosis often became a crutch for dealing with fear or apprehension. This meant that rather than going into birth with a deep-seated belief that they had all the resources they needed within them, they were worried that the hypnosis wouldn’t work. This reliance on something external took away from the experience that they could do it without the tools, but also busied the mind when it should be quietening down ready for birth.

The truth is:
That we are all perfectly designed to give birth – without hypnosis, and this is where the blend of hypnosis and mindfulness really comes in.

If you had no fear leading into your birth, and the environment and support were loving, quiet, safe and private, you would be able to birth. We’ve just been conditioned to believe that we can’t and forgotten that we can.

In a true birthing state you would be:

  • unaware of time passing
  • awash with oxytocin
  • surrounded with love
  • a conduit for energy, power
  • in a state of presence 

This is where your deep power lies, and where transformation can happen. 

Mindful Hypnobirthing takes this natural ability of our body into account with a therapist’s understanding of hypnosis and its application for birth. It creates a fluidity between the use of practical hypnosis tools and the experience of mindfully being in a natural birthing state.

How is this taught?
In mindful hypnobirthing you are taught some mindfulness tools for birth, as is the birth partner (it’s brilliant for the birth partner!) with the underlying philosophy that when you have prepared using hypnosis you will feel:

  • Calm
  • Confident
  • Knowledgeable
  • Well supported
  • In control

When you feel this way, you automatically go into a state of mindful presence. In my book this is what I call the birthing zone. 

In the course I cover evidence-based approaches to increase your confidence and to let go of any limiting beliefs around your ability to birth.  You will learn about unconscious association in your environment, the impact of fear and anxiety on choices and experience, your soothing system, theories around pain, as well as lots of hypnosis tools to use when you need them.

It’s not just a birth changing course, it’s a life changing course.

What is the difference between mindfulness and hypnosis for birth?  
In a nutshell! 
Hypnosis is all about change.  It’s about creating a different experience, changing a feeling, adjusting a habit or a behaviour.  When it comes to birth, hypnosis preparation takes you from anxious to calm, fearful to confident, and from thinking you have no control to knowing you are in control.  You’ll learn to use tools and techniques that help shift old beliefs and create new deep-seated beliefs that you can birth your baby, and it can be a positive, even euphoric, experience. 

I teach some set techniques, but invite you to understand the theory, why the tools work.  This way you can create your own tweaks and adjustments to the material so that they work far more effectively and are adaptable if things take a different path. This way you can make the change you want in a way that feels right for you.

In Mindful Hypnobirthing you use a lot of short, simple and easy to learn conditioning tools, so that your soothing system is activated unconsciously without thoughts getting in the way.

Mindfulness is about acceptance.  Rather than having the intention of change, mindfulness is about noticing and being curious about why you feel a certain way, whether that’s physical or emotional. Using your breath as an anchor you can learn to meet that feeling instead of turning away from it. This can take courage and strength, but it’s also very powerful.  It can create change but in a very different way. In my experience as a doula, when I see women in this place it’s astonishing.  They are embodied in the experience, not thinking about anything else apart from the moment they are in. Not even thinking about the hypnosis.

Mindfulness is all about connecting with your body fearlessly.

The overall message is
“You have everything you need within you, but if you need a boost then the hypnosis is there to help you get back into your zone”.

What if I find it hard to get into this space?
Modern birth environments make it really difficult to create this space.  When you take a course, you will learn how to work with your unconscious thoughts and associations to create a sense of being in a space where you feel private, safe and unobserved. 

You’ll learn some beautiful conditioning tools to make that as easy as possible, so things happen without you even thinking about it! Preparation using conditioning works well with hypnosis, as it means little and often works brilliantly and easy to fit in, even if you have a busy lifestyle. 

If, for any reason, there are distractions or interruptions that take you out of your birthing zone, you’ll learn how to notice them for what they are and adjust your environment using practical tools as well as hypnosis audio tracks. These powerful tools help to get you back into that focused state of mindfulness.

What are you waiting for?
You can get started today by reading my book Mindful Hypnobirthing. Joining my Facebook Group – where you can ask questions.  I’ll be there in the group all you have to do it tag me. Click here to join (please answer the questions as I like to keep it as safe a space as possible).

Sophie Fletcher is a clinical hypnotherapist and Fellow of the National Council for Hypnotherapy. She has been teaching and training families, birthworkers and midwives in the NHS for over 15 years. She is the bestselling author of Mindful Hypnobirthing, Mindful Mamma and Mindful Menopause.

You can find Sophie on Instagram @mindfulhypnobirthingbook

How To Create A More LGBTQ+ Inclusive Doula Business

By Sarah Taylor

The world of LGBTQ+ inclusion and equality can feel like a minefield full of acronyms, labels and changing legislation and rights for LGBTQ+ people. It can often be difficult to keep up, let alone learn about it all!

One thing I do want to say right from the get-go is that when it comes to allyship and running an inclusive business it’s ok to not always know what to do or how to do it. And I can promise, that we, LGBTQ+ people, would much rather you try, and make mistakes sometimes, than take no action at all. The reality is that we all have a lifetime of societal conditioning to unlearn and dismantle which will mean that sometimes we mess up.

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Birth Rights and Birth Choices

By Sophie Brigstocke

Photo of Sophie Brigstocke. Sophie is a white woman with long, light brown hair and she's wearing a blue top.

This week the press reported a legal case involving a young woman who has agoraphobia.  In advance of her birth her NHS care providers went to court to get legal consent to transfer her to hospital (against her wishes and with “proportionate” force) prior to labour.  Whilst we can only rely on the media story being presented in this case it follows rather worryingly close to another similar situation just a couple of months ago involving another person with agoraphobia making a choice to birth their baby at home against the recommendations of medics.  Birthrights, one of two brilliant charities supporting people around their legal rights in birth, wrote this blog about the case.  

As a doula I feel incredibly saddened by these two stories.  It feels like we are in a culture of fear and coercion when a birthing person’s feelings and instincts are not respected.  When I think of someone being forcibly removed from their safe space into an unfamiliar environment I am chilled – it calls to mind historical images of people manacled and restrained during birth.  I am wondering who is in the birthing person’s corner?  These stories also raise questions about the future of birth in the UK, especially homebirth.

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