Nurturing Birth

Doula Courses | Education | Doula

…here to nurture, inform and empower doulas and families

07305 044482 | [email protected]

About Doulaing

To all Midwives everywhere, Thank you!

By Sue Bryant

Musings on Midwifery life: On International Midwives’ Day, Susan Bryant shares her story of being a midwife who has now trained to be a doula.
Since qualifying as a post graduate midwife in 1988 I thrived on the variety of work that was the midwife’s role. Rotating around the various specialities of Delivery Suite, Antenatal ward, postnatal and community setting meant that we kept up to date with the service as a whole.

I enjoyed the pace in delivery suite, with the excitement of not knowing what the shift may bring. We had some frantic day and night shifts but also some long, quiet nights when we could talk and get to know our colleagues- often becoming slightly crazy at the 5am witching hour! Tea and toast together at 6 was a time to pause, collect ourselves and regroup, although this particular part of a night shift soon became forgotten the busier we became.

[Read more…] about To all Midwives everywhere, Thank you!

A New Hope

By Sam Sheppard

It’s the 4th May: International Star Wars Day. May the Fourth be with you.

Have you ever thought how the links between the hope, positivity, and community of the Star Wars films overlap with those within the birth world? The Force is like our instincts – we can all be guided by our own needs if we stop and listen to what our bodies are actually telling us and not to unwanted advice.  Our patience and just ‘being’ is enough – in fact it’s more than enough.

In ‘The Force Awakens, Rey tells us that she knows ‘all about waiting’. As do doulas. Being able to wait and be guided by the people we support is one of our greatest gifts.  Being able to truly listen, the other. How many people often feel truly heard? When you are, how positive do you feel after?

[Read more…] about A New Hope

Nurturing Birth; Nurturing Doulas; Nurturing You

By Sophie Brigstocke

Photo of Sophie Brigstocke. Sophie is a white woman with long, light brown hair and she's wearing a blue top.

When I first became a doula I joined an online doula forum (shows how long ago it was that Facebook hadn’t gained notoriety yet!)  I was an excited new doula, keen to find a tribe of like-minded people, share my experiences of training and ask for support.  When I introduced myself to the group I volunteered that I was meeting up with a well-known breastfeeding expert for a cup of tea.  The reaction was totally unexpected.  There was an outpouring of vitriol about this person, what I perceived as judgement of me and my suggestion of meeting with them and a desire on my behalf to run away and hide.  I felt so bruised and fearful of getting it wrong that I didn’t post on the forum for at least six months afterwards.  
 
Whilst it was very useful to be enlightened about this particular person and it informed me to ask a lot of deeper questions when I did eventually meet them I was left with a feeling that I wasn’t safe in that forum.  
 
I had told myself that doulas were all lovely, caring, nurturing people who would be supportive of me and my desire to go out there and do good work.  I made an assumption that the world I was entering was peopled by those unified in their desire to improve things for birthing families.  What I realised was that my expectations were unrealistic and naïve.  We are all humans, all perfectly imperfect and often with our own stories to process around why we are drawn to this work.   It was a painful lesson to learn, but it made me seek out the people I did feel safe with and put together my network of trusted doulas who I could outreach to and dare to be vulnerable with.  
 
We don’t know what we don’t know.  
 
Coming into the doula world there is so much that I didn’t know – so much I needed to learn and so much I needed to unlearn.  My beliefs and knowledge were challenged.  I was encouraged to consider my own opinions and judgments about so many things.  I had to let go of my own stories, recognise the importance of them for me, but realise that hanging on to them would be of little or no benefit to the families I supported.  
 
It is courageous stepping into doulaing.  It takes vulnerability to look at our own stories.  It takes humility to recognise that there are things we may have got wrong in the past, whether due to just not having the knowledge, or in how we have related to people.  I honour that.  I love every single person who takes that brave step to come and join us on a doula course, who is willing to do the work and prepare themselves to go out and be with people on their journey.  It is amazing, rewarding and sometimes challenging work.  
 
At Nurturing Birth we want everyone to feel supported.  I don’t want anyone to feel like they need to run away so they can lick their wounds in private before daring to put their head above the parapet again.  Our values are compassion and respect.  Compassion means that our intention is always to create safe spaces – on our courses, in our online groups, on our workshops and in our mentoring.  Respect means that we honour each person’s journey – everyone is worthy of their place in our groups and has something to bring.  There is no such thing as a stupid question, even if it has been asked many times before.  We want to nurture new doulas so that they gain in confidence and ability – what better reward for us when doulas go from taking tentative new steps to flying!  
 
Very recently there were some difficult discussions on our Facebook group (the one doulas can join once they have completed their course).  What blew me away was how respectful the discussion remained, despite people having different and sometimes strong feelings and opinions.  More than one doula messaged me to say how amazed they were that the conversation had stayed so respectful and compassionate.  I felt so proud of Nurturing Birth doulas – it was a very precious moment. 
 
If you want to come and join us, comforted in the knowledge that our ultimate aim is to provide a truly safe space for you to explore what is coming up for you around becoming a doula then do contact us.  We would love you to join us on one of our Dreaming of Being a Doula workshops where you can spend two hours with Michelle Every (our Mentoring Co-ordinator) and two of our recent graduates asking questions and learning more about what it is to be a doula and what our courses involve.  Going forwards you have three different course options to consider – our in-person courses (Intensive and Expansive) or our remote courses (Expansive and Distance).  We really hope to see you on one of them!

Sophie is a doula in London, breastfeeding peer supporter and baby massage teacher, and she is also the owner of Nurturing Birth. Her Nurturing Birth Directory entry is here.

Teaching Mindfulness to reduce stress and depression in expectant parents

By Kelly Brusch and Nancy Bardacke

Two photos, one of Kelly and one of Nancy. Both are white women. Kelly has long blond hair and is wearing a blue top. Nancy has short white hair and a grey top.

Pregnancy and birth, under the best of conditions, can be a stressful time for expectant parents – and right now, across the globe, pregnant couples are experiencing previously unimaginable levels of stress, anxiety, isolation, and depression due to the COVID-19 global pandemic. Birth providers are also navigating new challenges and stressors as they consider how to best support families during the transformative time of pregnancy, birth, and early parenting.

According to published research by Dr. Larissa Duncan and Nurse Midwife Nancy Bardacke, stress in pregnancy has been associated with preterm labor, a decrease in the quality of the childbirth experience, and an increase in postpartum depression. It can also lead to a decreased quality of attachment between a mother and her infant, postpartum couple conflict, and less than optimal neurocognitive development of the child.

This is where mindfulness practice comes in. Studies show that mindfulness practice helps us cope more effectively with stress, pain, illness, depression, and anxiety. Evidence also shows improvements in brain and immune function. A two part research study published by Dr Larissa Duncan found that expectant parents who learned mindfulness skills before the baby was born showed lower maternal depression symptoms during pregnancy and immediately following childbirth and lower perceived distress through the first 1-2 years postpartum. 

There have been hundreds of published research articles on how mindfulness can reduce stress and depression, but what exactly is it about mindfulness practice that makes such an impact? And what about when it is applied in childbirth preparation?

What we know about mindfulness is that it is the practice itself that allows us space and time to cultivate new inner skills. The more we formally practise, the more likely it will be that these new skills can be applied right in the present moment in daily life. Here are some life skills that practising mindfulness during pregnancy may cultivate:

  • an acceptance of present moment experiences
  • non-attachment to expectations about the future
  • healthy physiological conditions which promote optimal functioning of the body
  • awareness of inner resources that allow for more “responding” vs. “reacting” to everyday challenges
  • compassion for oneself and others
  • an opportunity to reassess one’s relationship to both physical and emotional pain

Every woman’s labour and birth is unique; however, when we look at birth physiologically, we can see some universal features. When we teach mindfulness skills to prepare for childbirth, expectant parents learn how the inner skills they cultivate during mindfulness practice can help facilitate the normal physiological birth process.

The birth process involves intense physical sensations, which most women call pain. And the pain of childbirth is what midwife Nancy Bardacke, who developed the Mindfulness-Based Childbirth and Parenting (MBCP) program, describes as transformational pain. Transformational pain is normal pain. This pain is not a signal that something is wrong; it is a result of a rapidly changing body that is doing what it is meant to do. As Nancy describes in her book, Mindful Birthing:

“Mindfulness practice helps us connect with the truth of transformational change and perhaps helps us to see childbirth in a new light: it certainly can be comforting to know that however long your labor lasts, it is not a permanent condition. Nothing is.”

What we also know about childbirth is how one’s relationship to fear and pain can inhibit the body’s natural physiological processes. Through mindfulness practice we can become more aware of our relationship to fear and pain and find moments of ease, presence, and even peace during childbirth.

Birth providers across the globe are curious about how to cultivate a mindfulness practice of their own to cope with the stressors of work and life, as well as being interested in learning how to teach mindfulness to expectant parents in the communities they serve. The Mindful Birthing and Parenting Foundation has trained nearly 200 perinatal birth professionals from 28 different countries how to teach Mindfulness-Based Childbirth and Parenting (MBCP) to expectant parents.

One birth professional describes her motivation for training to teach mindfulness skills to expectant parents as:

“To teach mindfulness for expectant parents is to guide them how to “dance in their contraction of life with mindfulness”, to help them to face every pleasant and unpleasant moment mindfully.”

Or as another MBCP teacher puts it,

“The most important value of teaching mindfulness for expectant parents is the opportunity to contribute to a decrease of intergenerational suffering. There can’t be peace in the world until there is peace in our homes.”

To learn more about the benefits of teaching mindfulness skills to expectant parents you can:

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Nancy Bardacke, CNM, MA, is the Founding Director of The Mindful Birthing and Parenting Foundation

Kelly Brusch, MA, is the Managing Director of The Mindful Birthing and Parenting Foundation

Becoming a doula during Covid – Sophie Burns’ experience

By Sophie Burns

Photo of Sophie and her fluffy light brown cat.

Sophie has received permission from her clients to share their details in this article.

In February last year I got my first booking from a birth client. This was what I had been waiting for and I was so excited. Coronavirus was being talked about in the media, and on my birthday I went out for lunch with two friends, one of whom had just got back from Singapore. “Buy loo roll” she said. The other friend and I laughed…

[Read more…] about Becoming a doula during Covid – Sophie Burns’ experience

A grandmother’s perspective on stillbirth: For Cillian

By Sharon Bridges

Photograph of Sharon, Sharon's daughter (Cillian's mum) and Sharon's aunt. Sharon's daughter is wearing a blue sash which says 'mum to be'.
Sharon, her daughter and her aunt at Cillian’s baby shower, before they received his diagnosis.

During my mentoring session with Michelle Every, facilitator of Supporting Every Birth, Michelle suggested that I write an article on the experience from a grandparent’s point of view. Around this same time, my daughter bravely made a Vlog offering support and sharing her own experiences, so I felt this was a suitable subject for me, following the loss of my first grandchild, Cillian.

Cillian was a little blessing we were told was on his way on Christmas Day 2019. I had lost my daughter Sophie in 2018, which made Christmas a difficult time, as it was Sophie’s favourite time of year. My older daughter, Hannah, had been planning to start a family in 2018, but following the loss of her sister she decided to wait until we were in a better frame of mind to welcome and nurture a new life, so this news was indeed very special. Hannah was only around the 6 weeks stage, and a bit nervous telling family, as my niece had sadly suffered a miscarriage of her first little girl in November 2019. Sure, what could possibly go wrong, when we had already been through so much loss? The 12 week scan showed everything appeared to be going well, and the 17 week scan confirmed this, but there was a brief mention of a little fluid on the kidneys. The hospital staff were more concerned with adhering to Covid-enforced restrictions to answer the questions of an anxious first-time mother, so Hannah decided to have some private scans carried out. Again, these showed no major cause for concern, and revealed that we were expecting a little boy.  A small heart defect was indicated, along with the fluid in the kidneys, so Hannah was referred to the Foetal Medicine department in the Royal Victoria Hospital, which is really the highest level of care on offer in Northern Ireland. The specialist could still find no reason to worry, and felt that perhaps by delivering early and having a look at the heart, Cillian had a good life ahead of him.

How did that go so wrong? At 32 weeks, Hannah went through an amniocentesis to put her mind at ease before being induced, and at his point we discovered our beautiful little man had Patau’s syndrome, Trisomy 13. None of us had ever heard of this. We were familiar with Down’s syndrome, as I have a cousin who has had a wonderful 45 years of life so far with this condition, and that was the reason I had advised against this invasive procedure. If our worst-case scenario was Down’s syndrome, our grandson would still be so loved and a welcome member of our family. We were not prepared for this news in any way, and it felt like a horrible, cruel trick. We were given this news on a Wednesday, and told Hannah would be induced on the following Saturday. I still believe that where there is life, there is hope, and on those nights I stayed with Hannah before she went into hospital, we made memories with her little bump. We told him how much we loved him and wanted him to be part of our family, although Hannah and her husband Paul did not want to be given any false hope. My heart was completely shattered, but I kept it inside when I was with them, but when I was alone in the middle of the night, that is when the tears came.

Saturday the 27th June 2020 arrived, and Hannah and Paul had to report to the maternity hospital alone. Throughout lockdown, Hannah had to attend all her maternity appointments alone, but there was no way was I letting her face this unsupported. Having been induced 3 times myself, and also working in a maternity hospital, I was aware that we were probably in for an arduous journey of days, rather than the hours they were both expecting. I felt sick all day waiting for news, but it was only when the night staff were on duty that I was allowed to join them at the hospital. It was a horrible stormy night, as if Belfast was offering me her sympathies, but I made my way to the special Snowdrop room, which would be my home for the next few days.

That first night felt like it went on forever, as the niggling cramping of early labour began, but it was evident there was not much progress to be made. I guess that’s when my doula brain kicked in, and I encouraged Hannah and Paul to get some sleep.  The last thing you will feel like doing is eating and drinking, but it is vital that you all keep your strength up and stay hydrated. The staff were amazing, every one of them, who treated us with such compassion and empathy. Sunday was another long day, and between us we decided Paul should go home overnight for a proper rest and meal, while Hannah and I had our last bonding time with little bump, watching silly comedies that reminded us of happier times with Sophie.

Our perfect, precious little Cillian arrived and departed this world on Monday 29th June, born sleeping, still warm when the midwife handed him to me. It was surreal, being handed this beautiful little boy by someone who said ‘I am so sorry for your loss’. I wanted so much to try to resuscitate him, as I ached so much for him to breathe, that I put my mouth over his tiny mouth and nose, just waiting for a sign of life. I longed so much to hear those first little cries, but this was not to be, Sophie had already welcomed her little nephew to her as he entered the world. As Hannah and Paul comforted each other and expressed the rawest of emotions, I held Cillian to my heart and allowed one tear to escape, before reuniting him with his mummy.

The Snowdrop room in the Royal Victoria Hospital had been set up in 2018 by a family who had gone through this life-changing experience, and although it is in a maternity hospital, it is separate from the labour wards and delivery rooms. We had a sacred place to spend as much time with our special little man as we needed. I won’t go into all the sentimental things we did as it was personal to us as a family, but we were so thankful that we had that time with Cillian, and he was treated as a person in his own right by all of the wonderful staff, who not only looked after Hannah, but myself and Paul also.

My reason for sharing this with you is really just to give you a little background on our family dynamic, but I would like to share some suggestions to any grandparent who is facing the same scenario. Yes, you want to scream, and cry, and curse, so do it, when and where appropriate of course! Your child needs you to appear strong and calm, no matter how sick you feel inside. Your child is still, and always will be, your child, so you place your own pain aside and care for them first. Be there. I was told I may not ‘be allowed’ into the hospital, but no force on this earth would have kept me away. Make your memories, before and after the birth. That little heart is still beating, those little ears can still hear you and recognise your voice. Believe me, you will thankful that you did. Acknowledge that tiny life as part of your family. One thing that particularly touched me was a text message from my own mother, saying ‘I am so proud to be his great grandmother, and I love him’.  This also reinforced in me the assurance that your mother is, and always will be, your source of strength, and in her eyes you are forever her child. You may want to consider what you would like to dress the baby in, or put in the cot with them, but the hospital staff were a great help to us as we had not really given this a lot of thought. We picked a little outfit for Cillian, and the staff gave us a beautiful memory box containing 2 little blankets and teddy bears. One set went with Cillian, and the other stays with us. I have a ring that I had made containing Sophie’s ashes, and I placed this in his little hands overnight, so know it has an extra special meaning to me. Take photos, lots of photos. These will be all you will have to look back on, so make the most of every opportunity. It is not as morbid as it sounds, trust me.

Of course, there are practical things that need to be considered, such as registering the birth and death, or receiving a certificate of stillbirth, and arranging a funeral. Again, the hospital staff took care of so much, and we are eternally grateful for their support. There is so much more I could share, as a mother, a grandmother, and now a doula, but we experience every moment in our own way, and our journeys are all unique. Rest assured, you will get through this, your child will get through this, and there will be happier times ahead, but you will always have that little angel tucked away in your heart.

Cillian showed me that my calling was to become a doula, and I intend to offer my services to any woman facing this experience, who may not have family support around her. I will honour his memory, give him this legacy, and breathe the meaning into his existence that I was unable to breathe into his little body, and he will always be my first grandchild.

For Cillian Noel O’Gallachoir, 29th June 2020.

Further information and support:

SOFT UK: A charity providing support and information to parents of children with Trisomy 13 (Patau’s Syndrome), Trisomy 18 (Edwards’ Syndrome) and other genetic differences, before and after birth. https://www.soft.org.uk/

Sands: A charity which supports those who have been affected by stillbirth and neonatal death. https://sands.org.uk/

Miscarriage Association: A charity to support people affected by miscarriage: https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Supporting Every Birth: Nurturing Birth’s interactive workshop created for doulas and birth workers looking at supporting both clients and themselves through all birth journeys including baby loss. https://nurturingbirth.co.uk/retreats-and-workshops/supporting-every-birth/