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Doula Course

When a baby dies

January 18, 2021

Photo of Michelle Every, Michelle smiling. She is standing with moorland behind her. her long hair down to her shoulders. She's wearing a teal padded jacket.

By Michelle Every

What do you say when someone – a doula client, a friend, a relative – tells you that they have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth? Michelle Every offers some support, information and signposts.

When I trained to be a doula in 2007 I was astonished and saddened that supporting baby loss was not mentioned on my course. Then as I gained experience and connected deeper into the doula community I noticed that loss was not something that I saw being discussed. 

In 2014 I felt a strong conviction to change this so I created the Supporting Every Birth workshop. I wanted to create a safe space to explore loss with a focus on self-reflection and group participation and give time to consider where we are with our own grief being curious and honest with ourselves around our own views and opinions on loss

When talking to doulas about baby loss the two phrases I most often hear are “But what will I say?” or “I worry I will say the wrong thing.”

There is fear around the power of language.

What we do or do not say is not just relevant to supporting loss or supporting clients. It is relevant in every exchange we make in our everyday life. How we respond to what we hear can have a significant impact on the person sharing. Have we heard them or are we focusing too much on our own answers or our own story? How can we offer space, actively listen and resist the need to fix?

When I am considering my choice of words I keep the Nurturing Birth values of respect and compassion at the forefront of my mind. These values lay a great foundation when considering language, can shape my conversations and prevent me from saying something in anger or frustration.

Is what I am about to say respectful and compassionate?

Coming back to supporting loss, what do you say to someone who has discovered their baby has died during pregnancy? Or what can you say at a labour when the baby is born not breathing and has died?

I volunteered for the Miscarriage Association for fifteen years. When I answered the phone and listened to people share their own stories of loss I would hear how the countless times their family, colleagues and friends had said unhelpful things such as “Everything happens for a reason” or “Just move on.”

From my experience of facilitating loss support groups I am aware how a spoken phrase can bring much comfort to one person only to upset another. No one way works for all. It is good to remember that grief is a natural, unique and personal response to losing something important to us. As doulas we want to validate this uniqueness while acknowledging the challenge that this can bring to us personally. We are required to offer support in the moment and respond to what we see and hear rather than having a pre-planned and prepared response. 

Maybe we are beginning from the wrong place. Instead of starting at what we will or will not say it might be helpful to start with what can we be. How can we be our most authentic self and respond to the needs of the family we support? 

On the Nurturing Birth doula courses and within mentoring we talk about being rather than doing. Our skills are listening, holding space, being client led, responding to needs in the moment. We go to births with no guarantees or certainty and yet we go with confidence that our presence and commitment to the family will make a significant difference 

Is this any different when the baby does not survive?

We can create the same environment, listen with the same focus and respond in the same way. 

To be honest, and to give a little away from my workshop, not much changes in the support we offer in loss compared to supporting clients with live babies.

We simply doula.

The Miscarriage Association has created some excellent resources which come from supporting loss for many years, including this video -when you do not know what to say, simply say “I am sorry.”

How do you feel about supporting families through baby loss? Do you have concerns on what to say? I would love to welcome you on to the Supporting Every Birth workshop to explore the topic more. My desire is that every doula feels able to step into this role and offer support.

If you would like to talk to me more about the Supporting Every Birth workshop please get in touch – michelle@nurturingbirth.co.uk

Filed Under: About Doulaing, Birth, Blog, Doula Course, Pregnancy, SEB Tagged With: Michelle Every, Supporting Every Birth, supporting miscarriage, supporting stillbirth, When a baby dies

How to become a doula – An instant guide!

July 3, 2018

If you’re caring, patient, nurturing, kind (but assertive) and love supporting other people then a career as a self-employed doula could be right up your street.

Doulas provide women with emotional and physical support and guidance before, during and  after childbirth and also act as an advocate for the mother; pointing her towards the information she may need to make a balanced decision and then supporting her to communicate those decisions to the people and medical professionals around her.

You’ll be providing continuity of care, ensuring that your mother-to-be has access to a friendly, knowledgeable face during her pregnancy, birth and as she takes her first steps as a new mother.

During pregnancy you’ll use your experience to help answer questions, and listen with a non-judgemental ear, whilst your client shares any worries or concerns.

Where there is an important decision to be made (e.g. ‘Where should I give birth?’ or ‘Do I really need a planned cesarean birth.”) you’ll help to explain all the options to your client, along with the pros and cons of each. Your job is to guide, nurture and support. But never to judge or push a mother towards something she doesn’t feel comfortable with.

You’ll also be there for the mother-to-be throughout her labour and birth, providing physical, emotional and mental support.

It’s important to note that although some doulas are medically qualified – ex midwives for example – you do not have to hold a medical qualification to be a doula. This means that this rewarding career is open to women from all walks of life and can be pursued at the right time for you.

“The most important attribute for women who want to be a doula is a genuine passion for birth and how they can help make it best possible experience for new mums, dads and their babies.” Sophie/Florence

Training to be a doula

Wondering whether a career as a doula might be for you? The best place to start is by talking to other doulas or birthing professionals in your area. Not only will this give you an idea of the day-to-day role of a doula, but you’ll also be able to gague potential demand in your area.

Once you’ve confirmed your desire to be a doula your next step is to attend a Doula Preparation Course. Doula training usually takes place over a few days with ongoing coursework and recorded experience taking place after.

There are lots of doula preparation courses to choose from, so it’s important that you ask questions to ensure the one you choose is right for you. In the video below Sophie talks about the important questions to ask before you book a doula course.

How do you choose a doula course? from Nurturing Birth on Vimeo.

As a minimum requirement your course should be approved by Doula UK, which is the membership association of birth and postnatal doulas in the UK, Republic of Ireland, and Channel Islands.

Look for this symbol…

Nurturing Birth are proud members of Doula UK and all our doula preparation courses are Doula UK Approved. We’re also part of the European Doula Network.

Doula Preparation Courses – What will you learn?

Each training provider has their own way of teaching the doula preparation course, but you can expect to learn about…

  • The role of a birth and postnatal doula.
  • What clients expect from a doula.
  • Supporting mums and partners in understanding their rights around birthing.
  • Infant feeding.
  • Common issues that can affect new mothers and babies.
  • How to best support new families.
  • Mentoring, further training and CPD.
  • Running your own doula business.

After your course there is a period of home study to really cement your learning and of course we advise all our doulas to get out there and gain as much real-world experience as possible.

Following their doula preparation course many doulas choose to join a mentoring program so that they have regular support and a safe place to ask for advice and guidance when they’re just starting out. Again, there are a few mentoring programs to choose from, including our own, so do your research to ensure that the program and the mentor you’ll be working with are a good fit for you.

Daily Life as a Doula

As a working doula, it’s very likely that you’ll be self-employed and will offer services to parents-to-be and families in your local area. Of course this brings its own set of challenges which we’ll cover in more detail in a future post, but as a starting point you’ll need to…

  • Register as self-employed with HMRC
  • Ensure you have the required insurance policies in place
  • Get to know and network with other birth professionals in your area
  • Market your doula services to people in your local area – this might mean creating a website and setting up social media profiles to help promote you. You might also want to consider joining the Nurturing Birth Directory.

Welcome to life a doula! You’re at the start of an amazing journey, enjoy it!

Ready to take the next step on your journey to becoming a doula? Why not find out more about Nurturing Births forthcoming Doula Preparation Courses here.

Filed Under: About Doulaing, Blog, Doula Course Tagged With: Doula training, Training to be a doula

Why one-to-one sessions are such a valuable part of the Nurturing Birth doula course – a video blog

June 6, 2018

Sophie chats about catching up with recent doulas who completed the Nurturing Birth doula course and the benefits of the one-to-one session a week or so afterwards.

Click here for more information about the Nurturing Birth doula courses.

Filed Under: Doula Course Tagged With: Doula training

Can I be a doula if …? A video blog

March 15, 2018

Sophie explores some of the questions that we are regularly asked by prospective doulas, such as can I be a doula if I haven’t had children?

If you have any further questions then don’t hesitate to call us on +44 1299871091 or email us on info@nurturingbirth.co.uk.  We have a busy Facebook feed and aim to host Live sessions on a monthly basis, so ping us any questions.  Click here for our FB page.

Click here for Sophie’s video on choosing a doula course

Filed Under: Doula Course Tagged With: Doula training, Doulas

Choosing a doula course – a video blog

January 8, 2018

Is 2018 the year you decide to become a doula?  Do you finally have the time and energy to take a preparation course?  In this video Sophie suggests some questions to help you decide which doula course is right for you.

To find out more about the Nurturing Birth course visit the Doula Course page, the Course content or Upcoming Course Dates.

Do email us on info@nurturingbirth.co.uk or call 01299 871091 if you have any questions

 

Filed Under: Doula Course Tagged With: Doula life, Doula training, Doulas, nurturing birth

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Award winning Doulas

MAMA Awards 2017 - DOULA OF THE YEAR​ Winner - Sophie Brigstocke, Nurturing Birth

MAMA Awards 2017
DOULA OF THE YEAR​

Sophie Brigstocke,
Nurturing Birth

Nurturing Birth Twitter

Good perinatal mental health is crucial always, but during a pandemic it should have extra focus https://t.co/jgZGxjwkIT
- Wednesday Jul 8 - 1:12pm

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