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Mindful Breastfeeding – doulas supporting breastfeeding

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By Anna Le Grange, of Mindful Breastfeeding.

I always get excited when I find myself working with doulas (I have a not-so secret ambition to become one myself one day!) There’s something so beautiful about the gift a doula gives to new and expectant families. What a wonderful time to be supporting families whilst they enter into parenthood for the first, second or even tenth time! All of that time you get to spend with them, getting to know them and supporting them with whatever it is they need, I know it is a gift for you too – it really does warm my heart. I know that you get asked a lot about breastfeeding both before and after the birth and this can certainly get complicated at times! I wanted to share with you that although nothing beats referring breastfeeding problems to a specialist, I have a whole host of simple tools that you can use to support families whilst they prepare and learn to breastfeed. These mindfulness and positivity-based tools are simple, yet very effective in supporting families at this time.

About 4 years ago, after becoming a lactation consultant, I wrote an online breastfeeding preparation course for expectant parents and included principles of relaxation, neuroscience, self-care and mindset into the course. It soon became popular, especially with other birth workers and health professionals, supporting stressed and worried families. Since May 2018 I have been teaching others to provide these techniques themselves in their own practice. One thing that is fed back to me time and time again is that they are bowled over at just what a difference such simple techniques can make, not just to the mental wellbeing of their clients but to how well breastfeeding goes too – even in the most challenging of circumstances. These are some of the things we focus on at The Mindful Breastfeeding School.

Infant Feeding Mindset
Everyone comes to parenthood with their own infant feeding story and their own expectations on babies and themselves. I help expectant and brand-new parents to uncover their feelings and beliefs. It’s often something that they haven’t discussed or even thought about. Journaling prompts can be a great way to get the conversation going. Once they have an awareness of their expectations and fears, we break them down into any negative thought patterns that they may be experiencing or even hiding away deep in their subconscious mind. Research shows that negative beliefs can have a big impact on how breastfeeding and early parenting goes. These negative thoughts that we all have tend to be on repeat, often without us knowing it. For expectant or new parents it might be:

“I don’t believe I’ll make enough milk for my baby”

“I’m terrified of feeding in public”

The good news is that we can use what is known about mindset and neuroplasticity to rewrite those negative thoughts into positive ones. Through writing personalised affirmations and then showing parents how to use them, infant feeding and early parenting mindset can soon become more positive, having a more positive effect on their experience.

Calming the Nervous System
Stress is normal and part of everyday life. In small amounts it’s part of our normal physiology to go in and out of stress – early humans needed this part of their nervous system to keep them safe from predators and other life-threatening events. And of course, we still come across threats and dangers ourselves, just different ones. The problem is that our brain doesn’t really know the difference between a real threat and the stresses that we feel in modern day life. Our body still kicks into emergency mode. The issue with being in this mode too much is that our bodies don’t function optimally. It’s called the sympathetic nervous system and when we are running this system energy and oxygen are pumped to our heart, lungs, arm and leg muscles. Our body gets ready to fight, flee or freeze. At the same time areas of the body not needed in an emergency are slowed down. This includes our digestive system and the hormones that we need for birth and breastfeeding such as oxytocin.

In Mindful Breastfeeding we teach parents how to calm their own nervous system to keep themselves out of the sympathetic nervous system when it is not required. This is such a useful thing for any of us to be able to do and it’s a relatively simple once you know how. Tools such as breathing exercises and guided relaxations or visualisations are what we teach parents to help bring themselves out of moments of stress so that they can enjoy the feelings that come with calmness and relaxation and connect more deeply with their baby and themselves.  This leads to improved breastfeeding outcomes and a more fulfilling parenting experience.    

Breastfeeding Support & Education
Support comes in many forms and as doulas you know how vital it is. When I work with expectant families we talk about 3 types of support:

– Partner/co-parent support
– Community support
– Breastfeeding support

I encourage parents to be to talk about and plan how the breastfeeding parent will be supported in the early weeks and months and to put a plan together for what this might look like over the first 6 weeks.  

When it comes to breastfeeding education, before the birth is best. So many people believe that after their baby arrives breastfeeding will just happen naturally and if it doesn’t it can feel like a real shock or like they are failing at this first step in parenthood. Truthfully, breastfeeding, like all other developmental stages in life, is a learned skill. And in a society where most of us see very little breastfeeding in our lives, most expectant parents don’t have a realistic idea of what it will be like.
Good breastfeeding education includes understanding normal infant behaviour and development, as well as how breastfeeding works and when and where to get breastfeeding help. Breastfeeding support telephone numbers or group contacts are hospital bag/home birth kit essentials. If any problems arise at all, families should know who to go to and not to wait until things get worse. Finding breastfeeding-friendly solutions to feeding problems is, sadly, not always forthcoming in our society, so having the details of a local, trusted breastfeeding specialist to be able to share with parents is vital.

It’s such a privilege to work alongside brand-new families at this time in their lives. The road for them doesn’t always feel easy and breastfeeding is often named as a particular challenge. I hope I have inspired you to consider a more mindful approach to breastfeeding support. I truly believe that if we help prioritise calm and connection, so often the breastfeeding follows – it’s certainly a good place to start.

Anna Le Grange is a Mum to 3, IBCLC, Paediatric Nurse and meditation teacher. She is the author of the Mindful Breastfeeding Book and runs breastfeeding education courses at The Mindful Breastfeeding School.

The man who birthed his babies

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Nurturing Birth doula and writer Emma Ashworth interviews Yuval Topper, trans man from Yorkshire and birth father of three to find out more about his experiences, and how doulas can better support trans men during pregnancy and birth.

Emma: Tell me about yourself, where you’re from.

Yuval: I am married to Matan, I’m from Israel but I live in the UK and I’m a trans man with three children who I gave birth to.

I had my oldest son (Lyrie) and my daughter (Aria) in Israel – my son in hospital and my daughter at home, although I had planned a home birth for them both. It’s not easy to have a home birth in Israel, and most midwives will not come once you reach 42 weeks, so at just over 41 weeks I was getting quite nervous. I decided to take castor oil which did seem to trigger labour – but also may have been why my Lyrie passed thick meconium when my waters broke, so we transferred to hospital.

Emma: How did Lyrie’s birth go?

Yuval: I really hadn’t wanted to go to hospital. I had gone to a different hospital at about 26 weeks with reduced movements. The experience in the hospital wasn’t too bad, and my baby was looking healthy, but then shortly afterwards a national newspaper contacted me, wanting to write about my ‘story’.  Matan and I decided that we really didn’t want to talk to them – and they ran the story anyway – the first trans man to be pregnant in Israel. It was not positive coverage. The hospital denied that it came from them of course, but it really made me wary of contact with unknown medical staff.

Lyrie’s birth was quite traumatic. As is common in Israel I was made to have interventions that I didn’t want, such as an episiotomy and ventouse. I was also mis-gendered a lot. In Hebrew everything has a gender. In English I might be mis-gendered when someone talks about me, ie using she/her rather than he/him, but in the Hebrew language this can happen when someone speaks to you directly, and this happened a lot during his birth.

I really wanted to be completely naked while I was in labour, but the staff kept covering me which felt really irritating and against my body’s instincts. I did wonder whether they felt uncomfortable seeing my non-conforming body which is why they kept trying to cover me.

After Lyrie was born and I was moved to the postnatal ward, I had a frustrating conversation with a midwife or nurse who kept telling me how unusual the situation was, and she’d never come across it before, but she was fine with it. She was clearly out of her comfort zone and continuing to repeat that she was “fine with it” showed that she maybe wasn’t! Next day another staff member came round to see me and asked whether I was going to “stay a woman” now!

Emma: That sounds really exhausting

Yuval: Yes, I was feeling that I had to justify my existence rather than focus on my baby. But it didn’t end there. Although they gave Lyrie a registration number in the hospital, I had lots of problems when it came to register his birth. They would not allow registration from a man, and that forced me to re-register myself as a woman, register Lyrie and then register as a man again. The process is complex and for a while it was unclear whether they would re-register me as a man, which would have left me with unmatched identification such as my passport and driving licence.

Emma: What happened with Aria’s birth?

I again planned a home birth with Aria, and this time had a very positive birth at home. However when it came to registering her I had even more problems! The Registrar refused point blank to register her and actually told me that Lyrie’s was a “one time offer”! We did manage to register her in the end but it took so much time and effort, and for no benefit to anyone at all. It was transphobia, pure and simple.

Emma: So then you moved to the UK?

Yuval: Yes, and I became pregnant with our third child, Liam. At around 12 weeks of pregnancy I was phoned by the hospital and asked to come in for a scan – they had found a problem on my blood tests. My husband was away and my friend was unable to come with me – I was really nervous about attending an unknown hospital in a new country. Did they even know I am trans? How would they treat me?

In the end I went with a midwife that I had met once before, who I knew was trans friendly, and that she would support me to advocate for whatever I needed – but as it turned out I could not have been better cared for.

When I went to the appointment I received the devastating news that Liam had died at around 10 weeks of pregnancy. Despite the shock of the news I felt extremely well cared for by the obstetrician at the hospital. She made sure to ask me my pronouns, not assuming that I would prefer he/him (which I do) as some trans people prefer they/them or something else. I was otherwise treated just like anyone else – no one tried to ask me whether I was now going to stay as a woman! They were kind and supportive and recognised that I had just lost my baby, and my gender changed nothing about that.

Emma: When you were pregnant with your fourth baby, how did this influence your care decisions?

Yuval: When I was pregnant with Teagan – or Tig as we call him – a medical condition meant that I needed to have frequent scans and tests. My body had become Kell+ sensitised. This is a very rare condition which is very similar to being RhD Positive, but there is no equivalent with Kell+ to the anti-D treatment. I am Kell- and my husband is Kell+, so each baby has a 50/50 chance of being one or the other. As with RhD, this doesn’t matter for the first baby, but if any baby has a different blood type to the birth parent, and if this blood mixes, this can cause problems for subsequent babies. It seems likely that Aria’s blood, which is Kell+, mixed with mine during her birth. This means that my body became sensitised to it and my immune system is then able to attack the blood cells of any Kell+ baby.

We discovered through the NIPT test that Tig was almost certainly Kell-, which was a huge relief, but we could not know for sure. This did lead to a very stressful pregnancy, and I decided that I needed the support of a midwife that I knew, so we hired Hannah, the independent midwife who had been with me when I learned that I was miscarrying Liam. Having Hannah was a huge help, although I was also receiving excellent support from the NHS as well. In the end I birthed Tig at home together with Hannah and my friend Mari, and these photographs are the ones that Matan and I decided to share, and which have gone viral!

Even though the care in the UK was far more trans-friendly than I experienced in Israel there were still serious issues. For instance, the lab rejected my blood tests a number of times as my medical record has me recorded as male, and the lab tests were for pregnancy related conditions. This caused delays and could have impacted on mine or Tig’s health. I was also frustrated that, like in Israel, I had to have my name recorded on Tig’s birth certificate as “mother” – but here I also had to add in my occupation. So Tig’s birth certificate says “Mother… occupation – Full time dad”!

Emma: I love that! I do hope that the NHS will be able to update its systems to better support trans and non-binary people with all aspects of health care. It’s great that that you got the support from the staff. I’m wondering what, as doulas, we could do to better support trans or non binary clients?

Yuval: I think my biggest request would be to not make assumptions! For instance, many people assume that trans people don’t like their bodies. This is really not the case for many people! Many of us are very happy with our bodies. Different people do have different feelings about their body parts though – especially the genitals and the chest. Some people really struggle with the names of genitals and prefer to use different names. Others are happy to use the regular names. Where appropriate and relevant, just ask. However, consider whether you need to know – don’t just ask just because you’re curious. Also listen carefully for the words that the person you are supporting uses, and use the same words. For instance, if they mention chestfeeding, use the word “chestfeeding” rather than “breastfeeding”.

Please don’t assume what our pronouns will be, but ask what we prefer to use.

It can be really helpful to have the discussion about what kind of advocacy would be useful to us when we are in labour, or in hospital if we’re planning a caesarean. Please check whether, for instance, we’d want you to correct people using the wrong pronouns or words to describe the body that we have already said we would prefer to not use.

Ask if there are any other aspects of care that the doula should know and ensure that the medical staff know, if relevant. For instance, some trans men may be even more likely than women to object to having their breast/chest exposed or touched – especially those trans men who have not had top surgery (breast removal surgery).

Otherwise, trans people have the same needs in pregnancy and birth as anyone else, so once the differences have been discussed, please just support us as you would everyone else. Like birthing women, we want to have births which are right for us and personalised support where we are each asked what we need as an individual.

Yuval lives with his husband Matan and three children in Yorkshire, UK. To follow him on Facebook, click here: https://www.facebook.com/yuvaltopperez

If you are looking for doula support, please visit the Nurturing Birth Doula Directory.

Three photos of Yuval - 1, Yuval in the birth pool leaning over the pool with Matan behind him. 2, Yuval holding a newborn Tig in his arms and smiling at him while still in the pool. 3, Yuval cuddling Tig who is wearing a rainbow hat.

Nurturing Birth would like to thank Tara Leach for permitting us to use her birth photography images in this article.
‘Your Child’s First Adventure’. ‘Tara Leach is a Manchester-based birth photographer.  She is interested in documenting all births and all adventures. To get in touch either see her on Facebook or email taraleachphotography@yahoo.com

Marketing your Doula Business during the festive period

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Slimline your christmas marketing

Oooh… there’s a whiff of excitement in the air and it smells like cinnamon and mulled wine! People are officially using the C word… which can mean only one thing. How the jeepers did Christmas creep round so quickly?

Christmas this year – like the rest of 2020 – is not going to be “normal” but no matter your plans for the festivities, the business of birth continues, and doulas keep on working. And to do that we need to keep on promoting our services. How do we do that at this busy time of year?

Well don’t worry! The Nurturing Birth team is on the case and we’re here to share four secrets to keeping your marketing efforts on point so you can slay that festive guilt, and focus on more pressing things, like your next cocktail choice, thinking up creative ideas for Elf on the Shelf or which present to open first!

The secret to staying visible, active and sustaining your marketing efforts throughout the Christmas holidays is to take a more relaxed, slimline approach.  This way you’ll still look like you’re blogging, posting on social media, and chatting with your subscribers, but, secretly, you could be lying (totally laptop-less) on the sofa letting your lunch go down and catching up on TV.

Your doula business doesn’t have to take a back seat, just because you are. So with that in mind, here are…

Christmas Marketing for Doulas

Republish your Blogs

You don’t always have to create brand new doula blogs. If you’ve been blogging for a while, you’ve probably got more than enough content to republish some of your favourite older articles instead. Your newer followers may not have noticed a particular blog first-time around (or second or third in fact) so don’t worry! And if you’re sharing great content then that content is still great and is still really valuable to parents. That’s what it’s all about!

Schedule Your Social Media

There are stacks of social media scheduling apps around and some are worth their weight in brandy doused Christmas pud! Scheduling your social media in advance gives you that Superdoula feeling of having everything organised for the entire week by 7am on Monday! Scaling back on the number of posts you write and publish is another way to dilute the Christmas biz pressure too.

Maintaining your visibility is important and if the bare minimum is one post a day, then schedule one post a day on each of your social media platforms. Manage your follower expectations by posting that you’re taking a wee break over the festive season. Many of your followers will likely be doing the same so they will totally understand. This way you’re keeping your doula services visible, supporting people and at the same time drinking wine. Everyone’s a winner.

Create & Schedule Your Newsletter(s)

If you’re a weekly newsletter sender, then ease that festive burden and adopt a monthly approach during December and January. A bumper Christmas edition or two (which also directs your subscribers to your republished blogs) is perfectly acceptable – and sometimes more likely to be read. Save more time by creating and scheduling your newsletters in advance and you’ll know your subscribers won’t assume you’ve abandoned them. Ah… the beauty of automation. We love it!

Decide on a Simple Christmas Content Subject and Stick to it

Another great way to avoid trying to post on Facebook while you’re tucking into your trifle is to think about (and plan) the type of content you want to focus on over the next six to ten weeks.  Keep it easy by sifting through your calendar and finding any upcoming National or International days which fit with your interest as a doula. Take a handful of your blogs and weave the same subject thread through your social media pages and newsletters too.

In need of inspiration? Check out:

So go and enjoy your Christmas, make family memories (kids grow up so quickly!) and slay that Festive business guilt.

Come January you’ll feel refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to conquer the world, again!

Updated November 2020 by Emma

Trusting your instincts with Michelle Every

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Photo of Michelle Every of Nurturing Birth doula training.

By Michelle Every,
Mentoring Coordinator and Supporting Every Birth facilitator

On the Nurturing Birth Doula course we talk about how to empower clients by creating a safe space for them to be able to let go of other people’s expectations and to listen to their own instincts on what feels right for them.

In reality, as I supported clients as a doula myself, I became aware of how often this concept of listening to ourselves was alien to them. They had read many books, and over the years as online support became more common, looked on the Internet and followed people on social media. But when asked the question “What feels right for you?” they were flummoxed. No-one had asked them this before. Some even said that they did not know that it was an option to have their own opinions on their own birth.

It was, and is, such a privilege and joy to journey alongside people and empower them to discover new tools and practices to uncover their instincts and desires.

Reflecting on my upbringing and childhood, I do not remember being asked to consider what I felt was right for me. I was taken to church. I was put in the nearest Infants School and then High School because I passed the 11-plus. We went on holidays that my parents chose (and I did love the swimming in the sea) and weekends were full of activities that I was taken along to. No-one asked how I felt or encouraged me to follow my own instincts.

And yet, even without this support my discernment grew – and maybe because of the lack of it in my childhood I became courageous in expressing it, and risked following it.

For example, when I was 20 I met 18 year old Iain and after hanging out for a day he asked me to marry him. And I said yes. This was certainly not the wisdom from my family or community, but I just knew what I knew. So we married a year later and we celebrate 30 years of marriage in 2021.

Trusting your instincts can bring joy for sure.

I could share so many stories of when Iain and I went against the flow and instead trusted our instincts and followed peace.

Helping others trust their instincts has become a passion for me. I delight in seeing people turning inward, creating space and silence to listen and then having the courage to trust what they feel and hear.

Having discernment certainly complements the work I do as a doula and mentor. Trusting my instincts has served me well.

I am aware that not everyone understands the phrase ‘trust your instincts’ and I find it hard to describe because for me it is a feeling in my soul rather than words in my head.

But I do know that it is something that can be practiced – like a muscle that stretches and grows in strength as we use it.

In discussions with clients, colleagues and friends I have discovered that some people are so busy, living with so much noise, that they do not know how to access their instincts. The idea of listening to the voice feels to some like stopping the fun. Others doubt their feelings can be trusted and fear the process of being still. And others have oodles of experience and practice of trusting their instincts and can access them at the drop of a hat.

As doulas we want our clients to trust their instincts. They have so many external voices advising them how to give birth, how to parent and what is best for them. What a gift we can give to create a space where they can sit still and listen to their own voice. We can encourage them to follow their own wisdom and heart’s desires. And yet, we are client led and if the client wants to follow what advice the midwife has given them, or what they have read we respect the decisions and support them equally to any other.

Many doulas are comfortable with empowering their clients and supporting them to trust their instincts, yet as a mentor what I see so often is doulas do not always create the same space for themselves.

How much time do we take to be still, to quieten our minds and listen to our inner voice? How often do we listen to our discernment when we are at interviews for potential new clients or interacting on social media?

I experience this knowing when I shut out external noise, opinions, advice and information. I can hear what feels right for me when I allow myself some space and silence. And I know it is my discernment and instinct when I am left with a deep sense of peace. 

You may find it helpful to ask yourself some of these questions:

– How often do you create space for yourself and how could you gift more time to yourself? 
– How do you still your mind and listen to what your heart’s desires are?  
– How do you make decisions and explore new opportunities? Do you tune into your discernment rather than looking outside yourself to external factors and influences? 
– What does it look like to you to be guided by inner peace? 

If you would like to explore some of these questions further why not sign up for one of our mentoring sessions? Email michelle@nurturingbirth.co.uk to find out more.

About Michelle Every
Michelle is an experienced birth and postnatal doula based in Greater Manchester, having trained with Nurturing Birth in 2007. She has been involved in mentoring across a wide range of communities particularly in areas of doulaing, parenting, relationships, marriage and life/work balance.

Michelle is the writer and facilitator of Supporting Every Birth an interactive workshop for birth workers looking at supporting both clients and themselves through all birth journeys including baby loss.

Michelle is married to Iain and they have three daughters and two sons.

How to have sales conversations that feel like Magic! – Part 2

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By Charlotte Bailey, Nurturing Birth Mentor

This is the second of a two-part series – click here for part one.

Last month Charlotte introduced us to some of her doula sales techniques. This month we share the second part of her article on how to really connect with the right clients.

Skill No. 3 – Sharing the opportunity. During your meeting with your prospective client remember to make them the main focus. They will want to know about you – especially if the meeting has been set up as an ‘interview’ (by the way, I much prefer the terms ‘meeting’ or ‘consultation’ as I believe it evokes a better sense of equality, but you’ll use the terminology you feel most comfortable with). Be mindful about how much you are speaking and how much you are listening. If you ask the right questions, the client will tell you everything you need to know in terms of what they are looking for and why, and thus you can tailor your explanation of what you can offer to their needs. It shows you’re aligned and also that you’ve really heard them. Keeping your language positive, based in facts, and focused on the transformation that your client is likely to experience if they work with you will help. A former business coach of mine, Bill McFarlan, wrote a great book (see below) about how the language we use to describe what we do is SO important and that we often can unconsciously talk ourselves out of a sale by accidentally conveying the wrong thing or simply by talking too much. Getting that balance takes a little practice and reflection but with awareness comes opportunity[E1] !

Skill No. 4 – Following-Up In sales, it is often said that ‘the fortune is in the follow-up’. I think this is SO true. Following-up is doing what you said you would do. If you say you are going to send some info or confirm a meet-up, then do it. My experience as a Doula so far has been that demonstrating reliability and commitment is MASSIVELY important to pregnant women and people. They need to know they can depend on you so show them – right from the get-go – what it’s like to work with you.

It takes the average person 4-6 meetings (or exposures) before they can say yes to an invitation to work together. Therefore, treat each exposure as an opportunity to set up the next expose until you feel you have established a trusting relationship with your prospective client, keeping relationship-building and understanding as the goal of each of those exposures. If you’ve signposted or referred your potential client to some info, you might ask to check back with them to find out how it helped them. Then, instead of asking ‘What did you think?’, you could ask questions that facilitate the development of your relationship whilst demonstrating what it’s like to work with you ie “Tell me what was most relevant for you, which parts weren’t? How do you think you might use this in your labour preparations? What do you feel you need now?”

I can’t remember where I heard it, but I’ve learnt its true; the universe loves speed! So condensing the exposures into the shortest amount of time possible can work in your favour. It prevents your prospective client from being distracted by life or from encountering obstacles that may ultimately prevent them from engaging your services (an unexpected expense or and impulse purchase that eats up their spare funds). Speed also helps you to keep their interest up. There is also the obvious fact that pregnancies are 42/43 weeks in length at the very most; A potential client might approach you in the latter stages of their third trimester in which case, you have to move quickly.

A pattern of exposures condensed into 2 weeks might look something like this:

1 – The first encounter (meeting through mutual friends/ chance encounter etc). Invite them to a PBM group.

2 – Text right away to say how nice it was to meet them. Give them a link to a relevant website/ book/ resource and confirm you’ll see them at the next PBM meeting

3 – 48 hours before the PBM Meeting, call them to confirm the meeting details

4 – Meet at the PBM. Arrange a one-to-one coffee date in 2-3 days’ time

5 – Send a voice message 24 hours ahead of time to confirm the coffee date

6 – Meet for coffee. Ask them about the benefits and usefulness of the resource you sent plus the PBM group. Invite them and their partner to learn more about possibly working with you. Set a time for the consultation. Ask to add them to your Doula Facebook Page.

7 – Call ahead to confirm the consultation and send them some relevant information

8 – At the consultation arrange a time to follow-up. Send them a thank you text after the meeting with any links to references you’ve made and confirm the date/ time of the follow-up.

9 – Follow-up when you agreed to. Ask if they have had enough information/ time to make a decision. If not, ask them what they need in order to do that and/or if there is any way you can further support them in making a decision (do they want to meet you again? Do they need to meet some other Doulas? Can you assist in connecting them to other local Doulas?). Arrange a time to check back with them and repeat until they have either arrived at a ‘no’ or a ‘yes’.

10 – Top tip: If you get a ‘no’, follow-up one last time anyway. Sometimes things don’t work out and having established a rapport with you, they may come back if you reach out. Sometimes feelings of awkwardness or a worry that they may have hurt your feelings prevents potential clients from coming back. Let them know that whatever their decision the door will always remain open. You never know, they might end up needing a back-up so find a creative way to keep in touch.

Now, you may feel resistance in consciously seeking to develop skills to turn conversations with potential clients into actual bookings. This could be because of the stories you hold about [E2] sales transactions or because of a lack of belief in either your ability to support that client or in Doulaing, in general. Spend some time with this. Ask yourself what stories you hold around sales, where they come from, if they serve you and what needs to happen for you to release them. Thereafter, the potential is that you are free to acquire any sales skills that will help to drive your business forward. All skills can be learnt and, with practice, mastered. However, skills – just like relationships – take time to build so be patient with yourself and allow time and space so that you and your dream clients need to build enough rapport that the magic happens. And it will happen!

Further reading (in no particular order)

  • Drop the Pink Elephant: 15 ways to say what you mean…and mean what you say – Bill McFarlan
  • Booked – Josh Turner
  • Awaken the Giant Within: How to take immediate control of your mental, physical, emotional and financial destiny – Anthony Robins
  • Playing Big: Find your voice, your mission and make things happen – Tara Mohr
  • Purple Cow – Seth Godin
  • The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey

Fresh out of University, Charlotte founded a social enterprise in 2005 and was a workshop facilitator for 10 years, running projects in the UK and internationally to foster the empowerment of marginalized communities. She later studied Midwifery with the intention of becoming an Independent Midwife before her final pivot in 2016 when she became a Doula. Charlotte understands that fostering women’s empowerment includes enabling financial independence and has, throughout 15 years of self-employment, taken a keen interest in educating herself and mentoring others on how to achieve this.  Charlotte offers Birth and Postnatal Doula services in Hampshire and has recently joined the team of Doula Mentors for Nurturing Birth. 

How to have sales conversations that feel like Magic! – Part 1

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By Charlotte Bailey, Nurturing Birth Mentor

This is part one of two blogs – more coming in October 2020!

Let’s be honest here; for most of us there is a jarring incongruence between the idea of being a Doula and of being a Sales person.  The two roles, in my mind, certainly took some time to reconcile but once they did, in a way that felt natural and appropriate, magic happened! I stopped feeling like I was selling and started feeling like I was serving.

Recently, in one of our Virtual Cuppas, a Doula shared her frustration that despite having lots of positive conversations with potential clients/supporters, these conversations weren’t translating into client referrals or bookings. This particular Doula was upset and suspected something was blocking her results. I would like to offer this blog to anyone who relates to this, as a way of providing some possible insight into what those blocks might be and which practical steps can be taken to push through them.

In order to be the best Doula we can, we all have skills to hone…active listening, holding space, appropriate signposting etc. But building a successful Doula business (whatever size of business that means to you) means developing beyond these skills and acquiring new abilities to grow and manage a start-up enterprise. This is where the application of sales skills can be of enormous assistance in learning how to find potential clients, how to talk to them about what you do and how they might benefit, and how to nurture authentic relationships with potential clients until they feel ready to make a decision to work with you (or not!).

In a series of two blogs I will talk you through some of the key skills that will help you to find and connect with your perfect client – and build your doula business!

Skill No. 1- Finding possible clients

In 2018, around 735,000 babies were born in the UK. That’s a lot of babies! And when you consider how few Doulas there are in the UK in comparison to the number of babies that are born, that’s a lot of potential clients.

We know the benefits of working with a Doula, but most people don’t. And so our first job  is to help people to understand. This means sharing the facts with enough people and you’ll naturally start to find your clients. So, where can you share these facts?

  1. Pregnancy and Postnatal Support Groups  – What a fab way to meet local expectant parents and local birth workers. These are ‘promotion-free’ groups so you won’t be asked to talk about your business but you’ll have a mutual space where you can cultivate relationships with pregnant women and people. Naturally at some point they will ask you what you do for a living and you’re welcome at that point to tell them you are a Doula. They may have more questions, in which case, swap details and offer to meet outside of the group set-up.
  2. MVP Committees – As above, you won’t be invited back if you arrive at an MVP meeting with the agenda of finding clients, but by making valid and stand-out contributions to the meeting, you may find that you naturally attract the attention of expectant and new parents who feel a resonance to you.
  3. Doula Databases – There are international doula directories such as the Nurturing Birth Directory, Positive Birth Movement Directory, Doula UK Directory. There are also national or regional ones, eg Hampshire Doulas. How you write about your services and how you tell your story is really critical here. You might want to work with a Sales Consultant or professional Copywriter to put together an all-singing-all-dancing piece of text that you can adapt for use across your website and directory entries to ensure anyone reading your bio and/or business info really understands what you’re all about and knows how to contact you. Any online presence that links back to your website will help boost your Search Engine Optimisation. The greater your online presence with consistent text which clearly describes what you offer, and links that all point in the same direction (don’t forget to check them frequently in case a site you’re linking to has changed) will mean people searching for someone like you are more like to find a hit with your site.
  4. Online – Facebook groups, Linked In, Instagram, Twitter. Either run your own group or join existing groups that have a cross-over in their target audiences with your ideal client. Make time each week to comment and contribute in those groups – not about yourself or your business, but in relation to what group members are asking for. Offer genuine support without the intention of getting anything back from the interaction. If you show-up in those groups consistently enough, people will get to know you and start to investigate further so make sure your FB business page and your personal page are linked. Adding ‘doula’ to your online name means that people know straight away who you are if they are looking for a Doula.
  5. Networking Meetings – A great environment for sharing your business and opportunity. Everyone in the room is there to hear, share, learn, support and refer. Over time, you’ll cultivate trusting relationships. By investing time to learn about and support others and making appropriate referrals, others will do the same for you. Turning up once and vanishing will not bring results. Go along to a few different groups to test out which feel like the best fit for you and then commit to going regularly and booking 1-to-1 meetings with each member to get to know them better. Gather people’s contact details and find creative ways to stay in touch. This could be by hosting coffee mornings for business owners with target audiences that mirror yours, by inviting them into your FB business page and posting regularly, or by adding them (with their permission) to a newsletter database. Asking for referrals is a key part of networking, or starting a conversation with the question ‘Who do you know who…is pregnant/ had a bad birth experience/ is expecting a grandchild and wants to give a valuable gift…?’ offers a gentle and encouraging way to provoke peoples’ thinking beyond their own needs. If someone tells you they know someone who might be interested, ask them to set up a coffee date so they can introduce you. Ask to set a provisional time there and then in order to secure their commitment and move things forwards (see section on Following Up for more tips here)

Skill No. 2 – Inviting possible clients to learn more

Do you know who your ideal client is? We know that there is a potential for every expectant and new parent to benefit from hiring a Doula, but, egos aside now, not every potential client will feel you are the right fit for them. So, who is it that you are looking for, specifically? Spending time really getting to understand who your ideal client is will enable you to spot them when you see them. And more than that, they will resonate with you, too, and your ‘sales’ conversation will feel so natural and easy. Once you have identified your ideal client and cultivated a relationship with them, the next step is inviting them to have a focused meeting with you to discuss how they might benefit from working with you.

My hunch is that many Doulas will think that they must start off with a great reputation and impressive amount of experience and thus have a lot of influence in order for potential clients to want to have a consultation with them. This is not true. If your invitation to meet is so that you can learn more about them and to share more about what benefits a Doula could bring to them, then you’re more likely to secure a meeting, even if you’ve not attended a birth yet! You’re not hunting for a sale here, you’re looking to deepen your rapport, to build a friendship, and to support that person in deciding if they want work with a doula or not. You might not even invite that person to a one-to-one meeting with you, but rather an event where they get to learn a bit more about you first in a non-threatening way whilst gaining benefits from attending the meeting. I like to invite pregnant women and people to a local support group – usually the Positive Birth Movement Meet-Ups or our local MVP committee meeting. It gives us both a chance to meet again and continue to build our relationship. The more a person knows, likes and trusts you, the more likely they are to say ‘yes’ to working with you.

In either case there are some fundamentals about the emotion of inviting;

  1. You must emotionally detach yourself from the outcome. Remember, our initial goal is to help parents to be to  better understand what benefits a Doula would bring to them. It’s not to book a new client. In other words, if you shift your focus away from your own needs onto theirs, away from signing a client and instead to supporting them with their needs, things get a whole lot more enjoyable and lot simpler. Whilst this sounds easy, it may feel difficult to do, especially if you have a strong desire to secure that first client or a real financial need. But being aware of your own ‘stuff’ and choosing not to allow it to cloud your intentions will hopefully keep you in good stead.
  2. Be yourself. Be your best self, but keep it authentic. You have nothing to prove. You are already enough. The more ‘real’ you can be, the more attractive you will be to your dream client and the more comfortable and trusting they will feel in your presence.
  3. Bring the passion, the enthusiasm, the FUN! Positivity is infectious and it’s ok to get a little fired-up so long as the focus remains on the woman or person that you are talking with. If you are feeling nervous before a Networking Event or a one-to-one, why not take a few moments before entering the room to buzz yourself up. Maybe listen to some motivational music to help change your state, something that makes you come alive, or take some grounding deep breaths and envision yourself shining. Remember, you’ve got this!
  4. Check your posture. The way you position yourself physically and emotionally will speak volumes to whomever you are interacting with. Are you someone who is often apologising for things that are beyond your control? Are you (unintentionally or otherwise) dumbing down the value of what you have to offer? Why? Do you believe what you have to offer is of value? Do you believe you can deliver? Have you already mentally decided that this potential client will reject you before you’ve even invited them to meet with you? Is your body language communicating feelings of self-doubt/ insecurity or of assuring confidence? Working on your mindset and your emotional posture here is key. I’ve listed some books below that may help you build your self-belief and confidence.

Once you’ve invited your potential client to meet with you again, confirm the time and their commitment there and then, rather than leaving things open and in their hands. The chances are if you do the latter, the energy of your initial meet-up will be lost. If they’ve told you that they’d like to see you again, confirm the date and the time and add it to your diary immediately, so that they see you are serious and committed. Ask for their permission to contact them the day before and confirm they are still able to meet. Take their number in order that you can do this. If someone has said they will pass your details on to someone they know, ask them when they are next seeing that person. If they say Wednesday, for example, ask if it would be ok to contact them on Wednesday afternoon to find out how the third party responded and what the next steps might be. Again, make a note of the date and deliver on your commitments.

I hope that these tips help you to feel more confident about approaching your sales and marketing. Look out for the second half of this blog in October!

Further reading (in no particular order)

  • Drop the Pink Elephant: 15 ways to say what you mean…and mean what you say – Bill McFarlan
  • Booked – Josh Turner
  • Awaken the Giant Within: How to take immediate control of your mental, physical, emotional and financial destiny – Anthony Robins
  • Playing Big: Find your voice, your mission and make things happen – Tara Mohr
  • Purple Cow – Seth Godin
  • The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey

Fresh out of University, Charlotte founded a social enterprise in 2005 and was a workshop facilitator for 10 years, running projects in the UK and internationally to foster the empowerment of marginalized communities. She later studied Midwifery with the intention of becoming an Independent Midwife before her final pivot in 2016 when she became a Doula. Charlotte understands that fostering women’s empowerment includes enabling financial independence and has, throughout 15 years of self-employment, taken a keen interest in educating herself and mentoring others on how to achieve this.  Charlotte offers Birth and Postnatal Doula services in Hampshire and has recently joined the team of Doula Mentors for Nurturing Birth.