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Sam Sheppard: Why I trained to be a doula

Photo of Sam Sheppard. Sam is a white woman with blonde hair. She has a floral tattoo on her hand and arm. She's wearing a black top and is smiling. This article tells her story of why she came to train to be a doula.

Sam Sheppard is a doula based in Chelmsford, Essex, and is known as The Unapologetic Doula 😉 This is the story of why she decided to train to be a doula.

I’m primarily a birth doula, but I also do postnatal work from time to time. I think, actually I know, that I tend to limit how much postnatal work I do because I hold emotional energy pretty deeply, and work hard at processing it all. Being with a family for an intense period of time, as is typical with postnatal work, takes a lot out of me, so birth work I can moderate a little more clearly. I know that I need to protect my space. Does that sound too far out?! I don’t know! But seriously, it works for me, and that’s the point – you can be the doula you want to be, and offer the services that work best for you.

I actually only heard about doulas in September 2008, 7 days before I did the Nurturing Birth training! I’d never even heard of doulas until a friend from school mentioned it. Before having my own two children I worked as learning support for children with extra needs in an infant school. Then I had my two 18 months apart and took time away from employment. When they started school I went back to work and realised I didn’t want to do it anymore. I then injured my back and saw it as a sign and left!

I had become really interested in birth because my births were really different and I saw the importance of the right support, right from the off. The first birth was quite traumatic and it really didn’t need to be. I had a pretty narky midwife who treated me like I was a bit like a child who needed directing, think Charles Dickens! It was ridiculous looking back. I felt railroaded down a certain path. Feeling out of control led to me not having an ideal time, and the postnatal period was just as crappy…despite me convincing other people that I was coping fine. Hiding postnatal depression (although in hindsight I now think it was PTSD) was easy. My house was clean and tidy, cakes were baked and I would smile and coo when I needed to. Until I was alone.

Anyway that’s another story…but I feel it’s important to know that we all have ‘stuff’. Becoming a doula doesn’t mean you to have had the ‘perfect’ experiences.. whatever they are!!

We’re all working through own ‘stuff’ continually… we find our way through, with the right people around us. Actually, training to be a doula, and mentoring after the doula training, includes a massive amount of working through our experiences (birth related or not) that mean that we can come to support families and put our own stuff to one side, and not let it influence us. Many people find this part of doula training to be revolutionary to their lives.

I’d not been to any births other than my own before I trained to be a doula. For me, the drive was that I really wanted to support women. I’ve no real interest in babies, much to everyone’s amusement (I think they believe you’re a doula because of babies…what’s that about 😊) No, it’s about women for me. They are why I became a doula. I saw how language and people can really affect your birth. Those present make or break it. I know it sounds extreme but you’re super susceptible to other people’s feelings, words, energy and motivations when birthing and beforehand. Birth brings so much out of people. So many stories and beliefs about what birth ‘should’ (flippin’ heck I dislike that word!) be like. But most of what’s told to pregnant women and people is based on people’s owns fears, their own beliefs that they need validated, or wishes they had for a birth but didn’t have. So it’s very often not about the birthing woman or person at all and yet it still affects them as they’re the one hearing all of the offloading of others.

I love doulaing. But what I most love is seeing people step into their power. OK – that sounds cliched but it’s true. Seeing people go from undecided and unaware, to finding their feet and trusting their instincts, knowing that they know what they need, that their opinion is the only one that truly matters and that they have the strength within them to chose what’s right for them… It really is magical. When you see that glow, that extra height they have because they stand a little taller, that focus and self-belief, it’s bloody brilliant. Honestly, gives me goosebumps. I always feel emotional talking about it because it really is mind-blowingly brilliant.

I wish everyone could see the brilliance in every pregnant woman or person; the brilliance and strength that I see within them. Just creating a bit of space for them to breathe and process…oh that can change everything! And this isn’t just about birth. For me this is about life in general.

Could you imagine if every decision that people had to make was met with respect, space, time and love? What changes would we make! It’s something I’m really passionate about actually. Over the years I’ve seen that this isn’t just about birth. I mean it is, in that birth affects everyone…no matter where you’re from, what background, race or culture. We all see it at some point. But those skills that you learn as a doula, they affect everything, every part of our lives.

It never ceases to amaze me. When it stops amazing me, I need to quit 😉

I also want to honour the fact that birth isn’t a wanted experience by everyone. I’ve doulaed for people making the decisions to not keep their pregnancy for reasons which are right for them. I admire and respect the strength and intuition of those making this decision. I feel that these women have also shown me a great deal in what it is to truly listen to our needs, to be mindful about what’s right for us, to move forward with a difficult decision knowing deep down it’s the right one. I feel for people going through it alone…there’s no shame and yet there’s a real stigma around feeling shame that needs to be broken down.

Much as I love being a doula, it’s not all perfect. There are challenges. The NHS is unravelling swiftly and with all the good will in the world it’s hard to stay focused and strong. I’m becoming more and more disillusioned and it really both saddens and angers me in equal measures. In fact it breaks my heart – for those working within the system, but more importantly, those using the service. Doulas have never been more desperately important and needed as they are now.

I do hope, in the future, that every birth is revered as it should be. The western culture is that we (mostly) need to crack on and act like nothing has happened. Have the perfect home, birth, get back into normal clothes as quickly as possible, make our own food with organic veg grown in our gardens, run our own businesses, make homemade gifts and stay smiling…whilst having a new baby. We need to stop, just stop and see the beauty, the magic, the freaking brilliance of all that is surrounding birth and those that birth!! It blows my mind, honestly it does. We keep humanity going, our bodies change and internal organs shift to accommodate that little new life and then shifts back…what’s not to freakin’ celebrate and honour!!

So there we have it. Part of me thinks everyone should train to be a doula, JUST to see the importance and amazing abilities we have when it comes to creating humans. To see the physiology. To learn the absolute importance of listening; to truly listen. To see the transformations and to understand that emotion isn’t a weakness, but a strength. To understand what our emotions are telling us and how we can work with them. To honour ourselves because we are amazing.

If you are looking for a doula in Essex,

Sam is The Unapologetic Doula on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_unapologetic_doula/

And on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/doulasamsheppard

Do you want to train to be a doula? Here’s the link to Nurturing Birth’s doula training courses: https://nurturingbirth.co.uk/doula-training-courses/

The importance of physiological birth

By Sophie Brigstocke

Photo of Sophie Brigstocke. Sophie is a white woman with long, light brown hair and she's wearing a blue top. In this article she talks about physiological birth.

My father, who became a farmer in his retirement, has a beautiful herd of Ruby Red Devon Cattle and there is something so special about being around them.
 
Several years ago, when the herd was managed by someone else, I witnessed one of the first-time heifers calving.  She was out in her field, surrounded by her cow friends and her labour started calmly and beautifully.  My daughter and I sat and watched as it unfolded, her contractions coming increasingly regularly.  Suddenly, the herdsman arrived on a quad bike, decided that she wasn’t birthing quickly enough and transferred her to a calving pen.  Once in there her labour slowed down and he decided that she needed further assistance.  The calf was pulled out and the farm workers congratulated themselves on having saved a calf.
 
The next day, when turning this new mother and her baby back out into the field, the cow turned on the three men and attacked them.  My Dad was one of those men. He was lucky to get away with only a broken neck.  This cow was utterly furious with what had happened to her and according to the farm workers she was never the same again.  Do we blame the cow for attacking the farm workers and my Dad – or do we look at what happened to her and learn?  
 
We have had a lot of conversations on the farm since that day.  I’ve shared a lot about physiological birth with my family and they know how passionate I am about supporting people (and other mammals!) to have the best possible birth experiences.  Now, on the farm, we have a watch and wait policy.  There is trust that these beautiful creatures instinctively know how to birth their babies.   Very occasionally intervention is required however, this is done as calmly as possible with minimum noise and fuss.  The cows are respected and I cannot tell you the difference in atmosphere.  It is a joy to be around.  
 
The amazing thing is how people on the farm have changed.  The men who grew up in farming communities where things were always done in a particular way have rethought their approach to supporting cows when calving.  Rather than rushing in to “fix” and “rescue” the cows, they are far more considerate of the environment and keeping things calm and peaceful. They are supporting physiological birth. The cows like and trust their care providers – they allow them to come close, to scratch their necks and bellies – they know their voices.  
 
How many of us know and trust our care providers?  How many of us feel truly listened to and respected in our choices?  And what happens to us if and when we aren’t supported in a respectful, compassionate way?  When I shared this story with the midwife Kemi Johnson, she said that as humans we would be far more likely to turn on ourselves rather than our so-called protectors.  Rather than getting angry, pushing and shouting, after an unnecessarily interventionalist birth we would be more likely to self-blame and tell ourselves that we had failed.  It is no great surprise that perinatal mental ill-health is as common as it is given the number of people whose births are interfered with when it’s not necessary.
 
We don’t fail.  We are failed by a system that doesn’t trust us, our instincts and our choices.  It is interesting that the World Health Organisation suggests that 10-15% of births might need some form of intervention and our caesarean rates are soaring well over double those numbers. Triple, in many cases.  It is also interesting that before birth became so medicalised the WHO stated that only 5-10% births needed medical support. Supporting physiological birth works.
 
This is not a blog to damn the medical profession.  This is a piece to highlight the importance of physiological birth – to bring our focus back to how our bodies naturally birth, to recognise just how we are hugely capable IF we are supported in the right environment.  So many people are losing their innate belief in the power of the birthing body.  We need to reclaim it.  People experiencing physiological birth often feel really empowered and positive.  It can have real impact on the way they bond and connect with their new babies, on feeding and on how they recover and experience the fourth trimester.  It goes so far beyond the “day” of birthing.  

This week on the Nurturing Birth podcast I talk to Nurturing Birth doula and mentor Simone Dyer about her journey into doulaing.  I was particularly taken with a phrase she used when talking about the need for validation as a birth supporter  

“We often rob people of their lessons.” 

What are we robbing people of when we rush in to fix and control?  What is possible when we are present and witness?   

If you are inspired to become a doula and support women and people to have the best possible birthing experience then check out the dates of our upcoming doula courses. We will be scheduling more dates soon so do come and let us know if you have any particular requests.  If you would like to chat about taking a doula course when don’t hesitate to reach out to me on the Nurturing Birth number – 07305 044482 or by email on [email protected]  I always love chatting to people who are on the cusp of starting their doula journey.  

Have a great week
Love
Sophie
x

Danielle Fox: My Journey to Being a Doula

Photo of Danielle Fox. Danielle is a brown skinned woman with black hair. She is wearing a white top.

By Danielle Fox, Nurturing Birth’s Doula Mentor Coordinator

I am usually a very busy birth doula but enquiries for postnatal support have been at their highest since Covid started. I’m the doula mentor coordinator with Nurturing Birth.

I first heard about doulas about ten years ago when my mum said she’d found the job I was made for! I did spend time researching it, but my boys were then only 3 years and 6 months old so starting a new career seemed daunting.

At the time, I had been a librarian for 13 years and also taught parents babysign (BSL) at local libraries, groups and nurseries. I loved my job but with two babies to care for, it was becoming increasingly difficult to juggle parenthood with my career.

I was finding that all too often I would overhear stories from new parents attending my babysign classes that they wished they’d had more support on their parenting journey. Many shared that they’d been clueless about the change that a newborn was going to bring to their lives.  When I looked at my experience, I was surrounded by the women in my family (including mum, nan & aunties) who encouraged me to only rest and feed my baby for at least the first week after his arrival. In our culture it’s paramount that the birthing mama is cared for physically and emotionally. I knew I really wanted to take on that role for families that didn’t have the amazing support that I did, so I decided to train to be a doula!

Before starting my career as a doula I hadn’t supported anyone physically during birth but I was very forthcoming with any expectant friends, suggesting to them that they may want to spend time taking in knowledge before going into labour and set up support at home so they could focus on recovering and bonding with baby. Clearly, a career as a doula was always going to be my future!

I love everything about being a doula. It’s my dream job! As much as I love seeing a baby being born, and still six years later, I’m still in awe of what our bodies can achieve, I’d have to say what I love most is knowing the positive impact I can make on a family. To allow me to walk with them on their journey to parenthood and make a real difference is honestly the biggest privilege!

At the beginning it took me a while to realise how organised I needed to be when “on call” for a birth with very young children. It took some juggling but once I got into a routine with it I felt more in control.

Now the boys are older I would say I am constantly reminding myself that family still comes first. Being the caring souls we are as doulas, we may come across situations that can take up a lot of our time mentally. It is important to set healthy boundaries with my clients and make sure I still have the head space to be there for my family.

When I first certified as a doula my end goal was to be active in my local community and spread awareness about the much-needed practical and emotional support we offer families. I have since been recommended to expectant parents by local midwives and this makes my heart sing! The next step is to open my own maternity hub in the town and run all my courses from there.

One final thing about doulaing that I have to mention is the positive impact that regular mentoring has brought to my birth business. My Nurturing Birth mentor has supported me through my very first birth, building a successful business, juggling family life, personal circumstances and client baby loss. Having her by my side to talk through things that she truly understands has been priceless and one of the reasons why I’m now a mentor myself.

If you are sitting on the fence about joining a Nurturing Birth course, have a chat to the team – you won’t regret it. They are all super supportive, and once certified if you take advantage of mentoring and work hard to build a business that feels right for YOU, you will never look back!

You can contact Danielle through her website, social media or Nurturing Birth Directory link.

http://www.beautifullyblooming.co.uk

http://www.instagram.com/beautifullybloomingpregnancy

http://www.facebook.com/beautifullybloomingdoula

https://nurturingbirthdirectory.com/doulas/united-kingdom/vale-of-glamorgan/cardiff-1/danielle-fox-3/

Victoria Fox – My doula journey

By Victoria Fox

Photo of Victoria Fox, a black and white image of a white woman with long, dark hair.

Although I’ve not yet taken on any clients, this is my journey to where I am now and why I trained to be a doula!

I first heard about doulas after I gave birth to my son in April 2020. I was speaking to a fellow new mum about how we would love to be involved with birth but didn’t feel midwifery would be a good fit, and she mentioned Doulas. I had no idea what she was talking about! We spent hours talking about it and it occurred to me that my sister had been acting as my doula even though none of us knew it was a role that existed. I felt very lucky to have had that support. I could see first hand how beneficial it could be to other pregnant women and people, even though Covid-19 meant my sister could not attend the birth in the end or visit me postnatally.

I was on maternity leave when I trained as a doula. My job at the time was Front of House Administrator for the Deafness Support Network. I enjoyed this work as it was incredibly varied – I got to help people with hearing (and sight) loss everyday and it meant I could use my British Sign Language (BSL) skills. I didn’t return to this role, however, as I wanted to dedicate myself to doulaing. Then I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant again!

I’d been to one birth before training to be a doula. I was 21 years old and a birth partner for my best friend. It was a miracle she even fell pregnant due to a long list of medical issues, so the whole pregnancy had been closely monitored and the birth was always going to be a high-risk event. Although we had agreed beforehand that I would leave for any internal examinations and for pushing, I was thrilled to be able to support her through the long labour process and any spare time I had outside of my job at the time was spent supporting her postnatally.

Training to be a doula just felt like something that would fit me and my new life as a mum. Particularly having given birth during a global pandemic, I feel well equipped, like there’s nothing that a new parent could say to me, good or bad, which would shock me. I feel confident that I can support them without judgement.

I think when I do start working more, the main thing I may struggle with is when I can’t ‘fix’ something. Even though I know that’s not my role and I’ll be helping by supporting and listening, I am a people pleaser and I do worry that I’ll perhaps give too much of myself. My other concern will be to not fall into an educator role simply because I’m so excited about everything I’ve learned and learning, maybe it’ll all come spilling out of me when it’s not in the clients’ best interest.

I see myself eventually becoming a birth doula when my children are older, and I have more freedom/flexibility and I just really hope that it becomes something that helps put food on the table whilst not feeling like a ‘job’. I think it will bring me so much joy.

Victoria is a doula based in Ellesmere Port. Want to get in touch with her? Here you go!

What am I doing wrong? (Why am I not getting doula clients?)

By Sophie Brigstocke

Photo of Sophie Brigstocke. Sophie is a white woman with long, light brown hair and she's wearing a blue top.

This week a new doula was sharing that she hadn’t got any clients yet and wondered what she was doing wrong.

It’s been almost twenty years since I stepped into self-employment and I can still remember those early days when there was more fear than excitement around making it work.

It was so easy to look at what other people were offering and think that I wasn’t as desirable. It was so easy to dive into stories like …

  • Why would someone choose me over that amazing doula over there who also offers hypnobirthing
  • Why would someone pick me when I haven’t done any/many births?
  • Why would someone pick me when I haven’t got additional feeding qualifications?
  • Why would someone choose me when I didn’t have the “right” birth experience myself?

Comparisonitis as I like to describe it – the illness of comparing ourselves to others – it is rarely helpful!

Thankfully, on this call, there were other wonderful doulas – some really experienced and others nearer the start of their doula journey – who were all able to listen and offer reassurance and useful suggestions. I love the Nurturing Birth community so much – always compassionate and supportive. There was also a mentor who had valuable reflective questions to ask the doula about what they were actively doing to attract clients in.

Becoming a doula is not just about being passionate about supporting families in the perinatal period, it is also about stepping into running a business. We build business development into all our courses, however we also recognise the need for ongoing support which is why mentoring is so fundamental to everything we offer, as well as our weekly Virtual Cuppa gatherings.

Last week we had one of our regular Dreaming of Being a Doula workshops – an ideal opportunity for anyone thinking of training to be a doula – two hours of being in a Nurturing Birth space, hearing from recent Nurturing Birth course attendees and having your questions answered. Why not take a look at the next dates and sign up?

For anyone who wants to work one-to-one on self-confidence, removing limiting beliefs and setting positive goals for their future then come and spend a Step Into Your Power day with me. Those who have joined me recently have had such positive feedback, like Jan:

“I feel fabulous. The fear’s gone, the worry’s gone … Absolutely, would recommend this to anyone, it really, really has started another chapter for me, so thank you so much.”

Hope you have a wonderful week!

.

“But I don’t know enough to be a doula!”

Photo of Michelle Every, a white woman with long hair, wearing a light blue jacket, standing in the countryside.

By Michelle Every

When people connect with me, as they look into training to be a doula, I often hear the same theme coming up

“How do I make sure I know enough?”

“Will clients expect me to know everything about birth or the early days with a newborn?”

 “I am worried that the client will ask me something that I do not know the answer to”

“I am scared of looking silly or letting my client down with my lack of knowledge”

Do you have these thoughts and questions, too? Are you worried about whether you know enough to be a doula?

Let’s start by asking a really important question:

As a doula, what do we need to know?

Personally, I am someone who does not naturally and easily retain information. I can remember people’s stories really well, but factual information seems to disappear from my brain’s filing cabinet. Some other doulas have a natural ability to remember anything they have read; many are somewhere in between.

We are all different, as doulas and as human beings, and the brilliant news is that being a doula is all about being ourselves. We are called to be authentic and unique. However, what we don’t need to be is a walking encyclopaedia of everything there is to know about pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period!

If I don’t need to know loads of facts to be a doula, what do I need?

The role of the doula is to support the client to make informed decisions. Part of this may be to help them to find factual information they are searching for. This is why signposting is our friend!

Our training courses teach you about evaluating information, so that you can feel confident to signpost your clients, whether that’s to the Nurturing Birth blogs and manual or elsewhere. Once you’ve completed a Nurturing Birth doula course you may choose to follow one of our CPD (continuous professional development) programs, such as our Expansive Course modules from Specialist Contributors or our Membership programme (due to launch early 2022).

However, it’s really important to stress that one of our vital doula skills is to be able to be honest enough to say that we do not know all the answers but that we are committed to helping our clients to find what they need.

Using reflective and open questions often helps the doula client to connect to their own power and inner knowledge. These types of questions provide them invaluable space to explore what exactly they are looking for. This can be one of the most precious and powerful parts of the doula journey. Really being heard, really being given the space to set out our feelings, thoughts, worries, aspirations and desires; this is not something that many of us have the privilege of experiencing in our day to day lives. As doulas, we can be the person to gift this to our clients. We can also gift it to ourselves through our doula mentors.

Doulas have the freedom to walk alongside the client and signpost rather than educate, lead or overpower them. We don’t need to have the clinical knowledge of a doctor or midwife, and we don’t need to have all of the answers for all of the babies. In fact, we can never have all of this. We don’t need to. A doula’s skill and value lies in helping our clients to navigate through it all, to find their own answers. Nurturing Birth is here to help you to be the doula who can do this.

Are you ready to find out more? Take a look at the training courses that are available to you now. We can’t wait to see you there!