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Blog

The bad baby!

May 10, 2019 By sophie

In amidst the joy of seeing a new family together earlier this week there was a moment that jarred for me, the question put to Harry and Meghan about whether their baby was “good”. It’s one that crops up a lot and it begs a question … is there such a thing as a bad baby?

I recently attended a brilliant conference in Plymouth – an entire day spent in the company of some of my most esteemed colleagues in the breastfeeding world.  It left me on something of an oxytocin high and yet again considering what more I can do to support new families.  A topic that we at Nurturing Birth focus on a lot is the power of language and how it can radically affect parents during pregnancy and in the early days with newborns.  Every speaker at the conference talked about the type of language used, typical questions asked and behaviour of people around new parents, often undermining them unintentionally.  Take the aforementioned “is he a good baby” question asked all the time, often by random strangers when they coo over your offspring in the supermarket, coffee shop or park.  What it is interpreted by most to mean is “does he sleep through the night?”  And the answer for most parents, because their baby is entirely normal, is no, which can lead to shame, lack of confidence and insecurity.  Parents begin to doubt themselves and their parenting ability, rather than trusting their instincts and reading their baby’s cues.   Amy Brown, Professor at Swansea University, who is particularly interested in breastfeeding rates in the UK and how sharply ours nosedive compared to many of our international counterparts made me laugh out loud when she said her stock response to the good baby question now is “he’s ok this week, but last week I had to bust him out of prison twice!”  

I started to write down some of the words associated with babies and breastfeeding during the day – lazy, diva, malco, fussy, spoilt, cranky – all judgments on a baby and their behaviour as if they are deliberately being naughty or difficult for not feeding well or sleeping as much as we would like.  But, how often is it that a baby is demonstrating innate newborn behaviour that is being misunderstood?  Babies sleep patterns are totally different from those of adults, plus they have tiny tummies that need filling on a very regular basis, so it is expected that they will wake often and feed frequently.  No wonder Harry and Meghan were welcomed to the “Sleep Deprivation Society” by a tired older brother with three children under the age of 6! 

Back at the conference I was introduced to babies being described as piranhas or vipers and I felt my own nipples fast-tracking towards my ribcage – what woman would begin to think about putting their baby to the breast if they were described that way? We all want to protect our bodies – as Amy rightly said we wouldn’t be seeking out the table we stubbed our toe on again to deliberately open up the wound would we?  Nipple pain in feeding has become something regarded as normal, but perhaps we should change that word for common – not normal – it is not normal to have cracks, damage, bruising – our bodies are not designed to be deliberately damaged in the process of “normal” mammalian behaviour. 

So, what do I want to see going forward?  Firstly, let’s stop blaming babies.  They are brand new human beings without agenda other than having their needs met.  Let’s stop undermining parents’ confidence and ultimately, let’s start thinking about how we can help, rather than sitting in judgment.  Let’s give parents practical and emotional support so that they can focus in on the all-important job of bonding with their babies. Let’s try and support new parents to recognise their babies’ needs and respond appropriately, by signposting evidence-based information, such as that shared by Amy Brown and Lyndsey Hookway at the conference.  Doulas are brilliant at that – supporting in all aspects – emotionally, practically and with relevant up-to-date information.  Let’s hope that every new parent, including Harry and Meghan, surrounds themselves with the right people in these precious first few days and weeks because let’s not forget that when a baby is born so are parents.  

Click here to watch Sophie’s video blog on unrealistic expectations in the postnatal period

Click here to find a Nurturing Birth doula in your area

Filed Under: Blog, Infant Feeding, Postnatal, Sleep Tagged With: baby, breastfeeding, evidence based information, New baby, newborn, newborn behaviour, normal newborn behaviour, sleep, sleeping through the night

Doulas, birth, home and love

April 15, 2019 By sophie

This article, written by Sophie Brigstocke, first appeared in the Journal of Holistic Healthcare, Summer 2017

How many lightbulb moments can you remember in your life?  Those moments when suddenly everything slots in to place, those jigsaw pieces re-arrange themselves and you see the whole picture for the first time. I see the same “eureka” moment happening time and time again – with the individual women and families I work with to the groups of new doulas I teach, and I am both excited to see the moment happening and saddened that the awareness wasn’t there before.  The moment I am talking about is around birth physiology – the understanding of how hormones work in labour and how they can be disturbed. 

If I ask a random group of people to describe what happens during birth then the most common responses involve contractions, waters breaking, dilation and pushing out a baby. With the amount of fear-mongering stories that people like to tell, and our media’s obsession with drama, there will often be vivid and horrifying descriptions – of women screaming, lying on their backs with their feet in stirrups, begging for pain relief, of torture-like instruments being wielded by white-clad strangers, lots of blood, a rush to the operating theatre, of life and death situations.  Just writing about it makes me feel nauseous and fearful.  However, it is incredibly rare in these conversations that anyone ever considers what is behind the physical sensations of birth. So, if we take a moment to look at what a woman’s body is doing during labour we can gain enormous clarity.    

The prime hormone of labour is Oxytocin.  The hormone of love.  Produced in the hypothalamus, the mammalian part of the human brain, it produces strong, effective contractions of the uterus – in the earlier part of labour contracting the muscles of the uterus upwards to draw open the cervix – and in the later stages causing effective downward surges, helping to push the baby down and out of the birth canal.  Endorphins, also produced in the same area of the brain, are released alongside oxytocin and are responsible for providing natural pain relief – nature’s friends working side by side – one generating strong physical feelings, the other any necessary relief.  So, in theory all should be well.  A woman will feel strong sensations but her body will provide a natural antidote. However, many women report feeling overwhelmed, in pain and/or out of control. So, what is happening and why is the body not able to deal more effectively with “pain”?

French Obstetrician, Michel Odent, describes oxytocin as a “shy” hormone.  And this is where a lot of the problems lie.  Oxytocin requires certain conditions to be produced, and is very easy to switch off.  If we consider one of the other instances in our lives when we produce oxytocin, it is perhaps easier to see how impactful a change of situation can be.  Picture yourself staying with your loved one in a beautiful hotel – a romantic setting where you have perhaps just eaten a delicious meal by candlelight, maybe enjoying a glass of champagne, and have moved from dining room to bedroom where you and your partner are alone to caress one another, undress and start to make love.  The atmosphere is loving, warm and intimate.  Suddenly, the fire alarm goes off – really loud sirens sounding, bright lights come on in the room and hotel staff rush in to shepherd you out to safety in the cold street.  It’s not surprising that those warm, loving, pre-orgasmic feelings instantly disappear!!! It would also be surprising if the mood could be recreated in a hurry!  Adrenalin, an oxytocin-killer, flooded the body when the fire alarm went off. It caused all levels of oxytocin to plummet, and endorphins too.  During birth, adrenalin has a place, but only in the later stages – usually a hit of adrenalin is released just prior to the pushing phase, giving the mother an energy surge and impetus to clear the final hurdle!  Any adrenalin released in the earlier stages of labour is generally detrimental.  

So, what are the main factors that impact oxytocin production and release?  If we consider a mammal birthing – a cat bringing her kittens in to the world for example – the likelihood is that she will choose a nesting place – somewhere dark, warm and quiet.  In my childhood home it was always the back of my Mum’s wardrobe, and once we realised that was where she wanted to be we would put a box, lined with old towels for her to cosy and settle herself in.  In our hotel scenario the environmental factors that changed were light, noise and temperature.  Women need that same sense of a nesting place – somewhere comfortable and private, warm and dimly lit.  In addition to those environmental factors, which affect all birthing mammals, the human female has a couple of additional challenges.  The human brain has a significantly larger neo-cortex than other mammals – the thinking part of the brain, the part that helps us to develop language skills, rationalise, discuss and debate, appreciate the arts etc. During labour if a woman is stimulated in the neo-cortex it draws the focus away from the mammalian part of the brain, the hypothalamus, which is where those all-important birthing hormones are produced.  We need for women to be able to let go, shut off the world around them and access their primal state – the instinctive mammalian part of themselves.  Fielding questions, having people talking to them, worrying about who is going to win the next general election is all an unnecessary distraction, which can have an impact on those crucial birthing hormones. Similarly, the feeling of being observed can cause a woman to switch off – birth is generally a private event.  If we return to our labouring cat, she is likely to stall birthing her kittens until she feels unobserved, safe and private, which is very disappointing for an excited child wanting to witness her first birth!  But, observation is more than being watched by people.  In the hospital setting it can also include physical examinations – having your tummy palpated or a vaginal examination to establish dilation – or foetal monitoring.  Women generally want to be mobile, active, able to get in to whatever position feels comfortable for her without being told what to do or being limited in any way. 

Bearing all of this in mind the questions we all need to consider when preparing for birth are where and with whom?  Given that we know that oxytocin production is likely to be impacted by our environment andthe people around us surely we need to think far more carefully about what we would like for our birth experience than which brand of buggy to choose!  As a doula I work with a wide range of women and families, all with unique circumstances impacting their choices and options.  For some, once we have discussed birth physiology, the idea of a home birth becomes hugely appealing.  Home is that couple’s most familiar environment – their safe space, somewhere the labouring mum knows well and can move about in without restriction.  Her bathtub is clean, her kitchen contains all the foodstuffs she finds most appealing, her bed is large, inviting, comfortable.   There are spaces for her partner, midwives, doula to retreat to if she wants solitude and peace.  For some, the idea of birthing at home doesn’t suit, so the challenge is to create a “nest” in a different setting – the hospital, birthing unit or maternity centre.  Medical issues may dictate a more interventionist approach, and whilst a woman may be more limited in what she can do we are reminded by the brilliant charity Birthrights, that women have choice and that her experience of birth is most commonly affected by whether she felt she was given options and the power to decide.  

Continuity of Care is a phrase being used a great deal in the birth world at the moment.  In Baroness Cumberledge’s National Maternity Review 2016 she identified lack of continuity of care as one of the key factors affecting women’s experience of birth in the UK.  It is certainly a huge challenge – more recent research done by the NCT and WI shows that 88% of women have not met the midwife who supports them during labour prior to the birth.  This is a distressingly high statistic when we consider that familiarity breeds reassurance and calm, and is therefore oxytocin-friendly! Pioneer sites across the UK are being encouraged to look at Baroness Cumberledge’s findings and come up with innovative ways to address them – on a team that I am working on Heads of Midwifery are combining forces to share knowledge and ideas so that the general experience of women can be improved. But, given the limitations of our NHS and the shortage of midwives across the UK this is not going to be resolved quickly or entirely satisfactorily.  For me this is where the doula comes in to her element.  Hired independently by a woman or couple during pregnancy the birth doula can provide such support that there is a deeply established and positive relationship in place long before labour begins.  A doula becomes aware of her client’s individual needs, expectations, hopes and fears.  She is able to ask her clients those all important questions about where they feel most comfortable birthing, who they want to be there, what might have a positive or negative impact on them.  She can signpost evidence-based information and research to help them come to decisions that feel right for them.  She can empower, inform, challenge and nurture.  The doula works with the couple and for them, but is able to liaise with the health care providers in a positive way, acting as advocate if necessary, helping to alert midwives or others to essential information about the couple, and provide practical support to the midwifery team when applicable. The doula is non-medical – she certainly is not going to make decisions on behalf of the mother, nor give her judgement or opinion, but she is able to facilitate positive discussion and provide evidence.  But, ultimately, if we return to the original topic of this article, the doula understands, believes and respects birth physiology!  She is able to hold the space for a labouring woman and her birth partners – she will help create and maintain that essential birth nest, the environment that will help a mother let go and enter her primal state.  She will be a calm presence, aware of what is going on around, gently giving reassurance to those at the birth to reduce any stress levels that may impact the labouring mother.  

A doula’s role doesn’t rest with birth.  There is a wealth of evidence to support how doulas reduce the number of interventions during labour, the need for pharmacological pain relief, caesareans, episiotomies, even duration of labour.  Significantly more women who are doula-supported breastfeed successfully and for longer.  And these statistics are important because what happens during pregnancy and birth has a bearing on the future of that mother and baby.  A mother’s mental wellbeing is impacted by the type of birth she has, and this, obviously, has a direct effect on the growing baby.  The human baby who is programmed for connection, and whose brain is still developing and growing.  If a baby is mothered by a woman who is depressed, in pain, traumatised or unwell he/she is less likely to get the necessary connection, feeding and bonding that he/she needs to develop into a healthy adult. It is challenging stuff.  It is my belief that doula support during pregnancy, birth and in the first few essential weeks of parenting is hugely and significantly beneficial to families and the wider community.  I feel excited about the positive impact that doulas can bring as awareness of the doula role increases, more women and families choose doula support, conversations happen to look at how doulas can support our challenged NHS, relationships develop, grow and build.  My long-term desire is that every woman should be able to access doula support regardless of financial circumstances.  There is plenty being done to encourage that, so let’s keep the ball rolling!

Filed Under: About Doulaing, Birth, Blog, Pregnancy Tagged With: birth, doula, doula support, homebirth, oxytocin, physiology

Interview with Lyndsey Hookway, Holistic Sleep and Lactation Consultant

March 26, 2019 By sophie

Sophie interviews holistic sleep coach and IBCLC Lyndsey Hookway about her work and especially her training programme for anyone wanting to work with families using gentle methods, with a focus on all the different variables that can affect the way a baby sleeps.

For more information about Lyndsey and the Holistic Sleep Course click here.

Click here to read Sophie’s blog on sleeping through the night and a particular brand’s unhelpful baby clothing designs.

Do get in touch if you have any more questions – email info@nurturingbirth.co.uk

Filed Under: Infant Feeding, Postnatal, Sleep, Video interviews Tagged With: holisticsleep, lactation, normal newborn behaviour, sleep, sleeping through the night

Interview with Anna Le Grange, Lactation Consultant and Mindful Breastfeeding Coach

March 18, 2019 By sophie

Sophie interviews Lactation Consultant Anna Le Grange about mindful breastfeeding, some of the pitfalls facing parents in the UK around feeding, and what she thinks makes good preparation for feeding. She also discusses the training she offers doulas and other professionals around breastfeeding support. For more information about Anna go to www.mindfulbreastfeeding.co.uk or follow her on Facebook or Twitter

Click here to read our blog on well-meaning advice and how helpful it is

Click here to listen to Sophie’s blog on breastfeeding support and antenatal preparation

Click here for more information about doulas and how they can support new parents

Filed Under: Infant Feeding, Video interviews Tagged With: breastfeeding, infantfeeding, lactation, mindful

10 simple but powerful ways to TOTALLY Ruin your Doula business!

January 21, 2019 By Kerry

1. Don’t join a networking group

Ok, I confess. I used to view networking groups with a wary eye and admittedly I’d still rather pluck the hairs from my cat’s bottom than sign up to one of those suited and booted networking groups where you ‘have’ to introduce a certain number of people each year and pass on a certain amount of business. Ick!

However, times are changing and as more and more people (and particularly more women) choose to be self-employed, lots of small friendly networking groups have popped up across the country. And they can actually be quite fun!

Fancy networking with other working mums? BizMums have a growing community of meetups across the UK.

Based in the countryside? Visit the Women in Rural Enterprise (WiRE) website to fine your nearest meeting.

Do your research, find a meeting that suits your style, then take a deep breath and get networking. Don’t forget to take some business cards!

2. Don’t bother creating a cover image for Facebook and Twitter

Your cover image is the first thing potential customers see when they land on your Facebook page or Twitter profile which makes it business promotion gold!

So, rather than just a plain image, use the space to communicate your mission or values. If you’re running a special offer or want to draw attention to a certain aspect of your business your cover photo is a great place to really shout about it.

We often switch up the Nurturing Birth social covers to reflect and promote what’s happening in the business at the time. We use Canva to create our cover graphics, why not give it a try?

3. Never create a gift guide on your blog

Recommending products and services you like and including an affiliate link is a great way to bring a little extra pocket money into your business and as a doula you’re perfectly placed to signpost your community to the books, equipment and tools you like to use. Visual gift guides are a great way to display lots of products and services without a pushy sales message in sight! Think inspirational and informative and let the images do the rest!

4. Don’t sign up as an Amazon Associate

Going deeper into affiliate opportunities… if there’s a product that your customers would love, chances are it’s sold on Amazon. And if you have an Amazon account it’s quick, easy and free to sign up as an Amazon Affiliate. Review books on your blog, create ‘best of’ or ‘best for’ shopping or gift posts and link to the products you’re talking about using your Amazon Associates account. If a customer clicks through your link and buys, you’ll get a cut of the cash!

5. Never ever swap social media mentions with other businesses

Expand the reach of your content on social media by tracking down other pregnancy, birth and baby businesses in your local area or industry and asking them if they fancy doing a mutual shout-out. Ideally you’re looking for people who have a similar target market to you, but sell different products or services to your own.

Drop them a line to introduce yourself and ask if they fancy sharing a recent post or even giving your latest blog post a shout out on their social media in return for the same on yours. You’ll be surprised how many people say yes!

As a doula, potential people to approach might be:

  • Lactation Consultants
  • Pregnancy  and Baby Yoga Instructors
  • Maternity, birth or Baby Photographers
  • Hypnobirthing Practitioners
  • Antenatal Class providers

6. Don’t ask for testimonials and even if you get them, don’t bother using them

When it comes to convincing potential customers that you are all sorts of wonderful, nothing makes a bigger impression than client testimonials. Testimonials Ask for them and use them everywhere you can. Got a great Facebook Page review? Use it on your website, make memes using Canva and share them on all your social media channels.

7. Do a disappearing act on your customers

Regular contact… and regular content makes your customers feel safe, secure and connected with your business and whilst life may sometimes get in the way (and family always comes first) try to maintain regular contact with your customers.

Don’t pressure yourself though, find a rhythm that suits you. Don’t have time for a weekly blog post or newsletter? Aim for one a month. Taking some time off? Pop a post on your Facebook page that says so, turn your out of office on and use scheduling tools like Hootsuite or Later to post for you whilst you’re away.

8. Forget to set your alarm for customer-o’clock!

Do you know what time your customers are online? Is it early morning or… right now? Take a look at your Facebook Page Insights and schedule your posts when your stats are highest to reach more of your crowd. With organic reach at an all-time low, it’s little considerations like this that can give you a slight advantage!

To find out when traffic to Facebook page peaks, go to your page, click on ‘Insights’ in the top menu then on

9. Keep your website and social media links totally secret

It sounds so simple doesn’t it? But you’d be amazed at the number of people who don’t bother adding a signature block to the end of their e-mails. C’mon doulas! You want potential customers to connect and communicate with you? Tell them how to find you every time you have an opportunity.

 10. Avoid the press like the plague!

Getting coverage in local and national media can get more eyes (and attract more clients) to your business. Be aware of relevant event days and offer to provide relevant and informative content in advance. If there’s a news story breaking that covers your industry then offer yourself for commentary.

Twitter is a great place to pick up press opportunities. Check out these hashtags a few times a week for promotional opportunties:

#journorequest

#prrequest

or use them in your own tweets to showcase your products and see if anyone would like to use them for forthcoming gift guides.

Filed Under: Marketing Tagged With: marketing

How to make 2019 your best business year yet

December 10, 2018 By Kerry

How to make 2019 your best business year yet

As the end of another year approaches it’s natural to start thinking ahead to the next 12 months and what actions you’re going to take to grow your doula business.

But here’s the thing… How do you know whether the work you’re doing will take you in the right direction?

Did you know that just a small percentage of entrepreneurs and businesses actually write down their goals for the next year? Less than 5%.

That’s crazy! If you don’t know what success looks like for you and your business, how will you know when you’ve got there? Or if you’re even getting close?

Here’s another stat for you: That 5%, those people who write their goals down and review them regularly… they experience more business success than the other 95%.

It’s pretty clear: Goals are essential for growing your doula business.

  • They create momentum
  • They give you focus
  • They keep you motivated
  • They give you proof that you are moving forward and in the right direction.

So lovely doula, it’s time to stop dreaming and take action! If you want to make 2019 your best yet then there is just ONE sure-fire way to actually do it.

You’ve got to PLAN IT.

  • Set your goals
  • Review them regularly

Here’s how to make 2019 your best business year yet.

How to make 2019 your best business year yet

Step One: Review last year

By reviewing the last year, you get clear on your strengths and weaknesses. You can identify areas of your business that are successful and work on expanding them for next year and create a plan for changing and improving areas of weakness. Figure out where your money is coming from, which services are bringing it in, where your customers are coming from and what they are buying.

  1. What were your three biggest business achievements in 2018?
  2. What was your biggest challenge in 2018 and how did you overcome it?
  3. What areas of your business felt right in 2018?
  4. What areas of your business felt a bit out of balance in 2018?
  5. What was your worst-performing product or service in 2018?
  6. What were your three best-selling or most popular products or services in 2018? Rank them in order.
  7. What was your most effective social media channel in 2018?
  8. What marketing actions bought in the results in 2018?

Once you know where you are, you can map out where you need to go next.

 Step Two: Make goals for this year

What are your financial goals for this year and how can you achieve them?

  • How can you sell more of your best products and services?
  • How can you sell more of your weak products and services?
  • Where could you save money in your business?

 What are your marketing goals for this year and how can you achieve them?

  • What social media channels are you going to focus on this year?
  • How many followers/page likes etc. do you want by the end of 2019?
  • What is the most popular page on your website and how could you make it even better?
  • How can you get in front of your customers more in 2019?
  • How can you get and share more positive testimonials this year?

 What are your customer goals for this year and how can you achieve them?

  • Do you have a system in place for collecting customer e-mails?
  • How are you going to grow your customer mailing list this year?
  • Are your customers taken care of at every step in your business?
  • How will you communicate with your customers in 2019?
  • How could you reward your most loyal customers this year?

 Once you’ve got answers to the questions above you can start to set your goals for 2019. Don’t get overwhelmed, you’ve got a whole year to achieve them!

Try setting 1-5 monthly tasks that take you closer to your goals, any more than this and you risk spreading yourself too thin.

 Step three: Review your goals regularly

Once you’ve got your goals you MUST review them regularly. Writing them down and sticking them in a filing cabinet won’t help grow your doula business. Post them on the wall, stick them on the fridge, make them a part of everyday life.

Review your goals each month to check your progress, don’t beat yourself up if you’ve missed one or two, chart how far you’ve gotten and make reaching that goal a priority for next month.

Reading this post in June? No worries, it’s NEVER too late to start setting goals for your business.

Just start today.

Like this? We’ve got lots more tips and ideas for growing your doula business in our blog: How to get your doula business in front of more potential clients

Filed Under: Marketing Tagged With: marketing

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Nurturing Birth

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