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Sophie Brigstocke

Birth Rights and Birth Choices

May 18, 2021

By Sophie Brigstocke

Photo of Sophie Brigstocke. Sophie is a white woman with long, light brown hair and she's wearing a blue top.

This week the press reported a legal case involving a young woman who has agoraphobia.  In advance of her birth her NHS care providers went to court to get legal consent to transfer her to hospital (against her wishes and with “proportionate” force) prior to labour.  Whilst we can only rely on the media story being presented in this case it follows rather worryingly close to another similar situation just a couple of months ago involving another person with agoraphobia making a choice to birth their baby at home against the recommendations of medics.  Birthrights, one of two brilliant charities supporting people around their legal rights in birth, wrote this blog about the case.  

As a doula I feel incredibly saddened by these two stories.  It feels like we are in a culture of fear and coercion when a birthing person’s feelings and instincts are not respected.  When I think of someone being forcibly removed from their safe space into an unfamiliar environment I am chilled – it calls to mind historical images of people manacled and restrained during birth.  I am wondering who is in the birthing person’s corner?  These stories also raise questions about the future of birth in the UK, especially homebirth.

[Read more…] about Birth Rights and Birth Choices

Filed Under: About Doulaing, Training to be a Doula Tagged With: agoraphobia, birth rights, Sophie Brigstocke, Training to be a doula

Nurturing Birth; Nurturing Doulas; Nurturing You

April 19, 2021

By Sophie Brigstocke

Photo of Sophie Brigstocke. Sophie is a white woman with long, light brown hair and she's wearing a blue top.

When I first became a doula I joined an online doula forum (shows how long ago it was that Facebook hadn’t gained notoriety yet!)  I was an excited new doula, keen to find a tribe of like-minded people, share my experiences of training and ask for support.  When I introduced myself to the group I volunteered that I was meeting up with a well-known breastfeeding expert for a cup of tea.  The reaction was totally unexpected.  There was an outpouring of vitriol about this person, what I perceived as judgement of me and my suggestion of meeting with them and a desire on my behalf to run away and hide.  I felt so bruised and fearful of getting it wrong that I didn’t post on the forum for at least six months afterwards.  
 
Whilst it was very useful to be enlightened about this particular person and it informed me to ask a lot of deeper questions when I did eventually meet them I was left with a feeling that I wasn’t safe in that forum.  
 
I had told myself that doulas were all lovely, caring, nurturing people who would be supportive of me and my desire to go out there and do good work.  I made an assumption that the world I was entering was peopled by those unified in their desire to improve things for birthing families.  What I realised was that my expectations were unrealistic and naïve.  We are all humans, all perfectly imperfect and often with our own stories to process around why we are drawn to this work.   It was a painful lesson to learn, but it made me seek out the people I did feel safe with and put together my network of trusted doulas who I could outreach to and dare to be vulnerable with.  
 
We don’t know what we don’t know.  
 
Coming into the doula world there is so much that I didn’t know – so much I needed to learn and so much I needed to unlearn.  My beliefs and knowledge were challenged.  I was encouraged to consider my own opinions and judgments about so many things.  I had to let go of my own stories, recognise the importance of them for me, but realise that hanging on to them would be of little or no benefit to the families I supported.  
 
It is courageous stepping into doulaing.  It takes vulnerability to look at our own stories.  It takes humility to recognise that there are things we may have got wrong in the past, whether due to just not having the knowledge, or in how we have related to people.  I honour that.  I love every single person who takes that brave step to come and join us on a doula course, who is willing to do the work and prepare themselves to go out and be with people on their journey.  It is amazing, rewarding and sometimes challenging work.  
 
At Nurturing Birth we want everyone to feel supported.  I don’t want anyone to feel like they need to run away so they can lick their wounds in private before daring to put their head above the parapet again.  Our values are compassion and respect.  Compassion means that our intention is always to create safe spaces – on our courses, in our online groups, on our workshops and in our mentoring.  Respect means that we honour each person’s journey – everyone is worthy of their place in our groups and has something to bring.  There is no such thing as a stupid question, even if it has been asked many times before.  We want to nurture new doulas so that they gain in confidence and ability – what better reward for us when doulas go from taking tentative new steps to flying!  
 
Very recently there were some difficult discussions on our Facebook group (the one doulas can join once they have completed their course).  What blew me away was how respectful the discussion remained, despite people having different and sometimes strong feelings and opinions.  More than one doula messaged me to say how amazed they were that the conversation had stayed so respectful and compassionate.  I felt so proud of Nurturing Birth doulas – it was a very precious moment. 
 
If you want to come and join us, comforted in the knowledge that our ultimate aim is to provide a truly safe space for you to explore what is coming up for you around becoming a doula then do contact us.  We would love you to join us on one of our Dreaming of Being a Doula workshops where you can spend two hours with Michelle Every (our Mentoring Co-ordinator) and two of our recent graduates asking questions and learning more about what it is to be a doula and what our courses involve.  Going forwards you have three different course options to consider – our in-person courses (Intensive and Expansive) or our remote courses (Expansive and Distance).  We really hope to see you on one of them!

Sophie is a doula in London, breastfeeding peer supporter and baby massage teacher, and she is also the owner of Nurturing Birth. Her Nurturing Birth Directory entry is here.

Filed Under: About Doulaing, Doula Stories, Training to be a Doula Tagged With: Doula training, dreaming of being a doula, nurturing birth, Sophie Brigstocke, Training to be a doula

The challenges of being a doula – a video blog

February 19, 2018

There are some aspects of being a doula which are really hard. It’s the best job in the world, with experiences which are just wonderful. However, sometimes it’s tough – so what are the challenges of being a doula – and let’s raise a glass to those amazing doulas out there!

“I love doulaing with all of my heart, all of the time, but you do have to take the rough with the smooth” – Sophie Brigstocke, Nurturing Birth

The challenges of being a doula – a video blog

Do get in touch if you have any questions about becoming a doula – the good, the bad and the ugly! [email protected]

Filed Under: About Doulaing, Training to be a Doula Tagged With: Doula challenges, Doula life, Doulas, Sophie Brigstocke

MaMa Conference – Ten Highlights

May 1, 2017

I Love MaMa! With Elizabeth Bain at MaMa 2017

I’m back home, sitting in my kitchen in London, reflecting on two extraordinary days.  A bit longer if you count the night coach travels to and from Scotland, which were an adventure in themselves!  So, before life returns to some semblance of normality, my kids come home from their bank holiday weekend excitements and I turn my attention to the ever-growing to-do list I want to remind myself of some of the things I have heard/learnt this weekend.   Because conferences are an ideal time to recharge the birth battery and get an oxytocin hit!

Highlight One

Picking one highlight of Hannah Dahlen’s talk is tricky – she is feisty, forthright and brave, so brave!  What she is facing in Australia is horrible.  However, she talks so much sense and reminds me how crucial humility is, asking questions like “do we facilitate or inhibit birth with the care we give?”  In talking about place of birth, a subject close to my heart, she reminds us that the arguments are almost never really about place, but about power and positioning.  Women are seeking more than place when they choose homebirth – they are in their familiar place, where the midwife is invited in.  The highlight though, is Hannah’s comment,

“Declare war on the bed!”

If beds were removed entirely, or at the very least relegated to a corner, women could be far better supported to be upright and leaning forward – something she observed in 100% of women at home.

Highlight Two

Hearing Shereen Fisher talking about the Breastfeeding Network (who later won Charity of the Year!) and the work of Peer Supporters, of which I am proud to be one!  Amazing the number of times during the course of the conference the mythical £350 million pounds the Brexiteers promised us during the Referendum was mentioned and how it would be invaluable in providing more breastfeeding support.  The comments from mothers who had called the National Breastfeeding Helpline, or got peer support, were so positive and it is so simple.  There just needs to be more funding!!!

Highlight Three

Meeting new people!  Those who know me well are often surprised when I tell them that I am quite shy.  They know the noisy, irreverent, chatty me, but put me in a venue full of strangers and I often retreat a bit – the quieter, more introspective side, the doula in the birth room, often comes out.  Having the opportunity to sit at a table for lunch with new people was fantastic – a chance to meet a smaller number of people at a time – and different people, doing different things with their lives.  Hearing Heather McCosker-Howard’s tales of working as a nomadic midwife and Laura Godfrey-Isaac’s of moving from the creative world into midwifery were so interesting, and I really relished Laura’s presentation the following day of birth in the media, something I have written about before and believe has such a significant impact on growing children that by the time they come to have their own babies they are suffused with fear and dramatic expectations.

Highlight Four

Seeing the subject of self-care on the programme!  I hope, like Tracy Donegan, that I can empower more doulas to consider how they care for themselves when they choose to do this work.  I see burnout across the whole birth profession and am so interested to consider the difference between compassion and empathy.

Highlight Five

Obstetricians!!!  Not one, but two Obstetricians talking at the conference.  I was really keen to hear Andy Simm talking about his experiences of performing caesareans, and particularly the terminology – is it a gentle caesarean, or does that imply that all others are barbaric?  Is it natural given that it is still major abdominal surgery?  Is it woman or family-centred?   Like the work of Jenny Smith and her colleagues at Queen Charlottes Hospital in the past few years, Andy seems to think it is the way forward – why would you not attempt to make the experience as positive as possible for the mother in question?  Why would you not do as many of those evidence-based practices as you can e.g. deferred cord clamping and immediate skin-to-skin contact?  Andy reckons that the biggest obstacle to this type of caesarean is the reluctance of staff to give up rituals.  Step out of the familiar zone I say – let’s see women and their babies at the centre of this practice – more of our doula clients are requesting these types of operation and are reporting so much more satisfaction when they have them.  I look forward to more conversations on the subject!

Highlight Six

This one might stay with me longer than many of the others.  Dancing the Gay Gordons with Paul Byrom!  I didn’t have a clue what I was doing most of the time, there were a lot of us on the dancefloor and he was very generous taking a perfect stranger as his partner!  How we didn’t crash in to others I don’t know, but I am grateful for the laughter and the oxytocin release that came from dancing, something that Ina May talked about the following day!

Highlight Seven

Hearing Sheena Byrom, who seemed to be able to shrug off the revelries of the night before with considerably more ease than me, talking about creating birth spaces.  I have loved hearing Sheena talk before and she didn’t disappoint.  I loved that this time we were asked to consider the birth environment on labour wards, not just on midwifery units and birth centres.  Why should the low-risk mother who chooses the birth centre be the only one who gets warm, inviting colours, dim lighting, beanbags, soothing images?  I fully intend to do a photographic journey of the labouring mum next time I go to one of my local hospitals.  Let’s see what can be done to make changes.  It doesn’t need to be expensive.  I love that one of the Consultant Anaesthetists at my local hospital is campaigning to improve women’s experience of theatre, and to date has had some lovely stickers approved for the ceiling of the operating theatre, giving women a much more pleasant image to look at during surgery.  These may seem like small, unexceptional changes, but from feedback of local mothers I know they make a big difference.

Highlight Eight

The moments of absolute silence in the room when an idea hit home.  It was really noticeable during Suzanne Zeedyk’s talk on connection.  I loved it and want to know more.  Her research on babies, attachment, connection, bonding is so interesting.   The videos she showed of babies as young as 8 weeks old responding to themselves and others shows that our babies are born connected and need ongoing connection.  Our use of mobile phones, car seats and buggies is so worrying and has such an impact on our growing babies’ brains.  I need to reflect on how best to pass on this information to the women and families I work with.

Highlight Nine

Ina May Gaskin’s story telling.  I don’t really need to say more. Nothing helps me to learn better than hearing stories and it is something I utilise a lot when teaching doulas.  In addition Ina May told me that she regards chocolate as a separate food group, essential for every day, and I love that – permission to eat chocolate!!

Fantastic creative cakes at MaMa does Great British Bake Off!

Highlight Ten

The hug I got from Cassie, the founder and organiser of BirthSparks and MaMa, at the end of the conference!  In her position I think I would have been on my knees with exhaustion, but she gave the warmest, loveliest hug I have had in a while and I am so grateful to her, and her team, for being so inviting and friendly.  I remember Tanya coming up to me at the end of lunch on the second day and saying “I invite you to return to the conference for the afternoon” – it was such a nurturing way of calling us back in and I appreciated it hugely.

Highlight Eleven

I know I said there were ten highlights, but I lied!  Being awarded Doula of the Year was the ultimate accolade.  I feel so honoured that so many former clients, doula trainees and colleagues nominated me.  I love what I do and feel privileged on a daily basis that there is so much variety in what I do.  I love that doulas have been made to feel welcome at MaMa, and look forward to lots more collaboration between midwives, obstetricians, health professionals and doulas.  At Nurturing Birth we are always happy to chat to anyone who wants to know more.  Our door is open!

Sophie Brigstocke is one of the Directors and Course Facilitators at Nurturing Birth, providing Doula Preparation Courses, Mentoring and the Nurturing Birth Directory for women and families to find support in pregnancy, birth, the early postnatal period and infant feeding.  To contact Sophie email [email protected]

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Filed Under: Doula Stories Tagged With: Doula of the Year, MaMa Conference, Sophie Brigstocke

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Award winning Doulas

MAMA Awards 2017 - DOULA OF THE YEAR​ Winner - Sophie Brigstocke, Nurturing Birth

MAMA Awards 2017
DOULA OF THE YEAR​

Sophie Brigstocke,
Nurturing Birth

Nurturing Birth Twitter

Good perinatal mental health is crucial always, but during a pandemic it should have extra focus https://t.co/jgZGxjwkIT
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