Nurturing Birth

Doula Courses | Education | Doula

…here to nurture, inform and empower doulas and families

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Training to be a doula

Doulas only support natural birth … and other myths

By Sophie Brigstocke

Photo of Sophie Brigstocke. Sophie is a white woman with long, light brown hair and she's wearing a blue top.

I had a conversation the other day with someone who really wants to be a doula, but she was doubting her ability because she ended up having a caesarean when her baby was born – not the birth she had planned.  She felt that somehow she wouldn’t qualify as a doula because she hadn’t had the perfect experience.  She had been sitting alone with this worry for a long while, which really saddens me because I know so many people who identify with this woman, including the me of many years ago.  
 
Despite best-laid plans, birth can deviate from the course we hope for. It isn’t something we can predict or foresee.  We can make the best plans and write our wishes/preferences, but on the day things can change, situations can arise and we may find ourselves with an experience different from what we envisaged.  

Are doulas just there for ‘natural’ births?
People often spread the myth that doulas “only support natural birth”.  However, I would like to challenge whether a doula would step away from a client in a situation that deviates from the natural plan?  I would hope not.  A doula is going to support a client to make informed decisions during the course of their pregnancy and birth experience.  Most importantly, if a client feels like an elective caesarean birth, or a highly medicalised route is the right course to take then the best-prepared doula is going to find the most effective ways to support the family through that experience, and most importantly do that without judgement.  
 
It’s no hidden secret that I love talking about the physiology of birth. I witnessed another conversation on social media this week of people who were surprised at how little knowledge there is amongst medical professionals about the way that our hormones affect our labour.  I want everyone to know about how oxytocin works and how we can optimise our labouring hormones because the human body is an extraordinary thing and it can make people feel super powerful.   However, I never pressure people to ‘do birth’ in a particular way.  Research tells us that the ’best’ birth, the one where the mother or birth parent feels satisfied with their experience, is one where they are involved in the decision-making.  They are owning their choices, whatever they may be and however far they may deviate from the original plan.  I’ve certainly seen some very empowered, strong women choosing caesarean births and feeling utterly positive about their experience.  
 
How our own birth experiences affect – or don’t – our ability to doula
As doulas, our own experiences, if we have had children, may well colour our thoughts and opinions. However, at the end of the day, our personal story has nothing to do with the person we are supporting.  Theirs is a unique body growing a unique baby.  Their particular dynamic will be different to any other pregnancy.  Reflecting and debriefing on our own experiences is an essential part of our doula courses so that we can go out and be clear and clean in our support. This means coming to terms with what happened for us and reaching a place of acceptance.  
 
So, if your own experiences have stopped you from stepping into doulaing until now then I invite you to pick up the phone (07305 044482) or ping us an email and chat to us about it.  You may find, as I did, that your pregnancy and birth experience, while hugely personal to you and your family, has very little relevance when it comes to being with other families.  All your life experiences combined may give you immeasurable qualities that will serve you brilliantly as a doula, but your individual story of birthing children can be put to one side.  Perhaps now is the time to reframe your experience and look at it in a different way? 

Birth Rights and Birth Choices

By Sophie Brigstocke

Photo of Sophie Brigstocke. Sophie is a white woman with long, light brown hair and she's wearing a blue top.

This week the press reported a legal case involving a young woman who has agoraphobia.  In advance of her birth her NHS care providers went to court to get legal consent to transfer her to hospital (against her wishes and with “proportionate” force) prior to labour.  Whilst we can only rely on the media story being presented in this case it follows rather worryingly close to another similar situation just a couple of months ago involving another person with agoraphobia making a choice to birth their baby at home against the recommendations of medics.  Birthrights, one of two brilliant charities supporting people around their legal rights in birth, wrote this blog about the case.  

As a doula I feel incredibly saddened by these two stories.  It feels like we are in a culture of fear and coercion when a birthing person’s feelings and instincts are not respected.  When I think of someone being forcibly removed from their safe space into an unfamiliar environment I am chilled – it calls to mind historical images of people manacled and restrained during birth.  I am wondering who is in the birthing person’s corner?  These stories also raise questions about the future of birth in the UK, especially homebirth.

[Read more…] about Birth Rights and Birth Choices

To all Midwives everywhere, Thank you!

By Sue Bryant

Musings on Midwifery life: On International Midwives’ Day, Susan Bryant shares her story of being a midwife who has now trained to be a doula.
Since qualifying as a post graduate midwife in 1988 I thrived on the variety of work that was the midwife’s role. Rotating around the various specialities of Delivery Suite, Antenatal ward, postnatal and community setting meant that we kept up to date with the service as a whole.

I enjoyed the pace in delivery suite, with the excitement of not knowing what the shift may bring. We had some frantic day and night shifts but also some long, quiet nights when we could talk and get to know our colleagues- often becoming slightly crazy at the 5am witching hour! Tea and toast together at 6 was a time to pause, collect ourselves and regroup, although this particular part of a night shift soon became forgotten the busier we became.

[Read more…] about To all Midwives everywhere, Thank you!

Nurturing Birth; Nurturing Doulas; Nurturing You

By Sophie Brigstocke

Photo of Sophie Brigstocke. Sophie is a white woman with long, light brown hair and she's wearing a blue top.

When I first became a doula I joined an online doula forum (shows how long ago it was that Facebook hadn’t gained notoriety yet!)  I was an excited new doula, keen to find a tribe of like-minded people, share my experiences of training and ask for support.  When I introduced myself to the group I volunteered that I was meeting up with a well-known breastfeeding expert for a cup of tea.  The reaction was totally unexpected.  There was an outpouring of vitriol about this person, what I perceived as judgement of me and my suggestion of meeting with them and a desire on my behalf to run away and hide.  I felt so bruised and fearful of getting it wrong that I didn’t post on the forum for at least six months afterwards.  
 
Whilst it was very useful to be enlightened about this particular person and it informed me to ask a lot of deeper questions when I did eventually meet them I was left with a feeling that I wasn’t safe in that forum.  
 
I had told myself that doulas were all lovely, caring, nurturing people who would be supportive of me and my desire to go out there and do good work.  I made an assumption that the world I was entering was peopled by those unified in their desire to improve things for birthing families.  What I realised was that my expectations were unrealistic and naïve.  We are all humans, all perfectly imperfect and often with our own stories to process around why we are drawn to this work.   It was a painful lesson to learn, but it made me seek out the people I did feel safe with and put together my network of trusted doulas who I could outreach to and dare to be vulnerable with.  
 
We don’t know what we don’t know.  
 
Coming into the doula world there is so much that I didn’t know – so much I needed to learn and so much I needed to unlearn.  My beliefs and knowledge were challenged.  I was encouraged to consider my own opinions and judgments about so many things.  I had to let go of my own stories, recognise the importance of them for me, but realise that hanging on to them would be of little or no benefit to the families I supported.  
 
It is courageous stepping into doulaing.  It takes vulnerability to look at our own stories.  It takes humility to recognise that there are things we may have got wrong in the past, whether due to just not having the knowledge, or in how we have related to people.  I honour that.  I love every single person who takes that brave step to come and join us on a doula course, who is willing to do the work and prepare themselves to go out and be with people on their journey.  It is amazing, rewarding and sometimes challenging work.  
 
At Nurturing Birth we want everyone to feel supported.  I don’t want anyone to feel like they need to run away so they can lick their wounds in private before daring to put their head above the parapet again.  Our values are compassion and respect.  Compassion means that our intention is always to create safe spaces – on our courses, in our online groups, on our workshops and in our mentoring.  Respect means that we honour each person’s journey – everyone is worthy of their place in our groups and has something to bring.  There is no such thing as a stupid question, even if it has been asked many times before.  We want to nurture new doulas so that they gain in confidence and ability – what better reward for us when doulas go from taking tentative new steps to flying!  
 
Very recently there were some difficult discussions on our Facebook group (the one doulas can join once they have completed their course).  What blew me away was how respectful the discussion remained, despite people having different and sometimes strong feelings and opinions.  More than one doula messaged me to say how amazed they were that the conversation had stayed so respectful and compassionate.  I felt so proud of Nurturing Birth doulas – it was a very precious moment. 
 
If you want to come and join us, comforted in the knowledge that our ultimate aim is to provide a truly safe space for you to explore what is coming up for you around becoming a doula then do contact us.  We would love you to join us on one of our Dreaming of Being a Doula workshops where you can spend two hours with Michelle Every (our Mentoring Co-ordinator) and two of our recent graduates asking questions and learning more about what it is to be a doula and what our courses involve.  Going forwards you have three different course options to consider – our in-person courses (Intensive and Expansive) or our remote courses (Expansive and Distance).  We really hope to see you on one of them!

Sophie is a doula in London, breastfeeding peer supporter and baby massage teacher, and she is also the owner of Nurturing Birth. Her Nurturing Birth Directory entry is here.

What joining a Nurturing Birth course FEELS like

By Sam Sheppard, Nurturing Birth Facilitator

Sam Sheppard

“Sophie, at each course, spoke about what we tell ourselves and what we can let go of.  It gave much thought to all, including me.”  

I’ve been thinking a lot recently … don’t panic, I didn’t hurt myself!  Over the last few months I’ve been super lucky to have been co-facilitating the Distance Doula Course with Sophie and I’ve really enjoyed it.  No, actually I’ve loved it.  I’ve loved the new excited faces at the start of their journey. I’ve loved seeing women connect, connect in ways I wasn’t totally sure I’d witness to the extent that we did, over Zoom… I’ve loved seeing and feeling the excitement, passion, nerves – the overflowing emotional moments unfolding as the doulas bloomed and realised not only could they do it, but that they had been doing it over the week.  They were doulas!

Now the beauty of these courses, like with the birthing women or people that we support, is that not only did they feel like they were learning and experiencing new things, but I did too. I learnt so much.  Watching the invigorating conversations, the questioning, the beliefs and support they all organically flowed with, the highs and lows of the week as everyone became more comfortable and trusting of their companions … Wow!  What a gift to behold.  The strength of community, of that village, never ceases to amaze me.  How it can raise and support, how it can nurture and challenge. All the while holding that sacred safe space.  It’s truly inspiring and it’s given me so much joy I can’t quite describe it. 

I’ve also loved the transitions. The transition from “Hmmmm can I even do the course” to “Ooh crikey I can actually do this“.  There’s a gentle, sometimes rapid, unravelling of thoughts and long-held beliefs.  It’s amazing what we can tell ourselves, and it’s also amazing how differently we can look to others. Sophie, at each course, spoke about what we tell ourselves and what we can let go of.  It gave much thought to all, including me.  

Now those that follow me know I’m pretty unapologetic about being me.  They also know I’m not one to follow the crowd and seem quite confident in my being.  But, I’ve held on to the belief that I can’t write and I can’t do podcasts … hmmm now I’m not about the “can’t”, so I’ve been looking at what this is about and where it came from, and have shifted into the “doing something about it” phase.  So, here’s the first tick (yes, I’m smug – I even put my hand up to offer to write one of the weekly emails for Sophie over the holidays…I did panic a bit). The next tick is a podcast I’m guesting on this week. Don’t ask me what I’m talking about yet.  Small steps, right?

The reason for my rambling is that we never stop learning, growing, reflecting or adapting.  Life is always shifting – it has to. We never arrive.  We never get there.  Once we’re there another target comes to light, another feeling needs exploring, another trigger needs addressing, our bodies need more/less rest, a change in food, a challenge that takes action, something else needs reflection, or a change in perspective maybe.  It’s all about the journey, right?

So what journey are you on and how’s it looking? 
Much love
Sam
x

Sam is a Nurturing Birth facilitator and also a doula herself.

 

Can I be a doula if …? A video blog

Sophie explores some of the questions that we are regularly asked by prospective doulas, such as can I be a doula if I haven’t had children? (Spoiler alert: YES you can!)

If you have any further questions about training to be a doula then don’t hesitate to contact us through the Nurturing Birth website. We have a busy Facebook feed and aim to host Live sessions on a monthly basis, so ping us any questions.  Click here for our FB page.

Click here for Sophie’s video on choosing a doula course